Let's cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself. Need more holiday support? Don't we all. For all the other holiday freebies, just hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Search "holiday" to find releases from the past for no cost, or subscribe to access the pre-wrangled Holiday Survival Collection for your listening ease. Stay safe, support yourself, and see you soon Fucker! MFJess and Marcus Barkus --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Back to NonViolent Communication! Here are 10 things the experts say destroy our attempts at vulnerable disclosures and requests. Just in time for the holidays, let's talk about why these conversational reactions burn our t-brains and why people are programmed to use them, anyways. For the full transcript and all the doods, check t-mfrs.com and get ready to peruse for hours. To jump into the full-length conversations and deep dives, head over to patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. And help support this project's continuation while you're there! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We learn to neglect ourselves at an early age and then everything goes to hell forever after. Stuck in unfixable suffering, toiling away with ineffectual attempts to comfort ourselves, and possibly... destroying our own lives, in an attempt to end the self-deprivation through backdoor methods. Let's talk about needs and what happens when we learn there are "required" versus "unallowed" ways we're permitted to care about ourselves. If this show made your eyes get real big, you may want to check out this full episode series. Hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and jump into the "NonViolent Communication Collection" for all the episodes, videos, workbooks, and reflection exercises on self-neglect. And we'll be returning to talking deprivation in a few weeks :) Cheers, Fuckers! Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

"Depression is the reward we get for being good children." NVC helps yer relationships, sure. But it'll also rewire your t-brain trashhabits, emotional misunderstandings, and shit perspectives if you use it solo. Let's talk about the roots of the worst of us; our unmet needs and beliefs that deprivation = goodness. Which create vicious cycles of projection, unfulfillment, and relational abuse. Like reading along and looking at scribbles? Find your transcript here, Fucker. Ready to dive headfirst into this conversation, or any of our other topical focuses? Hit up "Collections" of episodes, workbooks, videos, polls, bonuses, and more at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. ... and help this one-person operation keep rolling, while you learn. <3 Thanks for your support, Muffs. Cheers! Jess and Barkus --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel "unheard"? Well, here's the key to getting your point across and sparking collaboration rather than opposition. Today, we're talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) - the 4 step framework for communicating effectively about emotions and unmet needs without stimulating defensive reactions or leaning on your own deeply ingrained control tactics... And so much more. Wanna transcript and some doods to listen along with? Find it here! Looking to do more than scratch the surface on NonViolent Communication? Check out the new NVC "Collection" as it populates on Patreon! We're wrapping about all the NLP details and recovery implications with whiteboard vids and workbooks, to boot, at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. ps - your patronage makes this entire project possible. Thank you, Fuckers. Cheers MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

So, how do we apologize "the right way"... Rather than creating MORE damage through half-assed "I'm sorrys"? Today, let's talk about the 5 points for offering a real apology for sake of true relational healing... And four examples of how NOT to apologize, unless you actually want to make the emotional abandonment experience worse for your partner. Looking for 10 more examples of terrible non-apologies? Hit up the recent episode "Non-Apology Apologies" over at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. And fuckle up for NonViolent Communication month, coming at ya in September. For the transcript version of this (and every) episode, go to t-mfrs.com. And do some extra CPTSD learnin while you're there. Cheers, Fuckers! MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

How DO we heal what's been broken? I've got a short phrase for you - it's what we've all needed to hear all along. And let's talk about the timeless wounds patched up by real apologies, as we prepare to talk about shitty apologies next time. Hail yerSelf and Cheers Fuckers. Git the transcript version of this post at t-mfrs.com and check out some doods while you're there. Catch up on the recent downpour of episodes over at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and help this one-human DIY project keep spreading the good news about healing. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let's talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship... while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense. Looking for more "real relationship talk"? Well that's the order of the month, over in the private podcast stream. We're dropping four full episodes of "less fluffy" relational conversations, talking about how relationally traumatized partnerships actually tend to shake out... and how to "read them" before you're in too deep. See you there! And cheers, Fuckers! MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We've talked a lot about committing fully to relationships and overcoming our conflicts together, through examining the subconscious wounds that actually underly our relational upsets. But here's my question: Is that realistic? Today, we talk about getting clearer on the contents of our potential and current relationship partners' preprogramming, through checking our own somatic experiences, our shared trauma histories, and their adaptions to the social systems that raised them. For alllll the relationship x CPTSD details that will reframe how you view other people and yourself... hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and join the private conversation around relearning "healthy relating." Prepare to reflect. 🍻 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's run through a bunch of messages today, and end on a trauma recovery inspired tune - sent by a gifted MF putting their skills to good use for all of us. We'll talk about fearing borderline diagnoses, redesigning life to meet our recovery needs, the utility of journaling and trauma narration, and beyond. Thanks again to Somber Mercy for their share and song submission! Find them at instagram.com/sombermercy If you want to be a part of the Mailbag or Motherfuckers Speaks episodes, send your shiiiiiit to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get on the show, in written or recorded form. Cheers y'all MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel like "the issue" isn't really "the issue" in relational conflict? That's because the real issue is buried under layers of protective instincts that keep us unable to fully connect or communicate... but very capable of fighting, endlessly. Let's talk about "conscious relationships" and their trauma recovery utility, as we discuss methods for resolving unescapable conflict detailed by IFS couples therapy practitioners. Hankering for the full details on this relationship recovery talk? Hit up the private community and long-ass episode stream at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers, and git all the extra bonus resources this month at any subscription level! Then stay tuned for next month, as we get into the "relational real talk" that brings this conversation down to t-earth. See you there! MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Why do we start close relationships and love connections feeling one way... only to watch them disintegrate, become survival-based, and turn into "resentment"? Let's walk through the easiest explanation ever told; pulling in our Internal Family Systems education to discuss the greatest relational obstacle of them all. Looking for a lot more relational talk? Good news! It's been the theme of 2023 over on the private stream. Check this month's special triple research episode release and get all the extra resources, no matter how you subscribe. See you there, and cheers, Fuckers! MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We MFs struggle to begin or maintain healthy relationship dynamics, with a lot of externalized finger pointing about why. "Abusers just flock to me." But the truth is, the abuse recreation is mutual and it all starts in the place we attempt to willfully ignore - inside ourselves, within our preferred and hated personality aspects. Let's talk about acquisition of conscious and unconscious identities that fuck up our relational attempts equally. The ways Protective, Exiled, and Distractive brain programs inject chaos and abuse into our connections. And why we first need to get vulnerable, intimate, and trusting with our own brains... if we don't want to repetitively create hellish, self-fulfilling abuse prophecies with others. It's the start of a big discussion going down in the private podcast stream and support community. Support your future relationships and this DIY educational effort at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers or t-mfrs.com. And cheers to all yer parts. MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Why don't we sign up for close connections anymore? Especially after learning about our CPTSD patterns? It's an episode pulled from the private Fort! Let's talk about relationship hangups from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we've heard from the research with real life brain operations to demystify disorganized feelings about closely connecting with others. Check out ⁠⁠t-mfrs.com⁠⁠ for more info and blogged transcripts of each public episode. To help yourself help yourself, while also helping this project to support MFs round the world, hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the full years-long conversation and private Discord support community filled with unfluffy folks like you. And cheers y'all MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

"So how do you feel about relationships? Complicated? You want them? You despise them? You fear them? You long for them? You try them? You exit them rapidly? Or you try to? You get stuck in them? And haunted by cycles of unfulfillment?" Today, let's talk about the obstacles we face when considering relationships or landing ourselves in them. The ways we attempt to protect ourselves from them. Why shallow, distanced relationships plague PTSD sufferers. And how vulnerability, intimacy, and trust are necessary foundations for our long-term healing. For the full conversation on VIT in relationship shitnanigans, hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and stay tuned as we dive deeply into relationships on trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

So you're doing your damndest to be "your best self." Maybe you're confident and comfortable in your identity these days. But, at the same time, you still find that self-condemnation is a big part of your day to day. Why?  Let's talk about self-judgment taking place on subconscious levels. How your identities mask the ongoing self-loathing that created them. And how to heal that shit, once and for all. Up for making big changes? Get started with us at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Today, sharing a mini essay I wrote for another platform, where controversial perspectives are the topic of conversation. In so much of this "trauma recovery game" we're inspired to hunker down against past patterns. But is that really healing? Want more Traumatized Motherfuckers? Join the Patreon to get hundreds of past episodes, weekly releases, and a part in supporting this DIY show. Or find more info on the project at t-mfrs.com. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel like you've got a whole household of people contained in one skull? Fighting, just like they did in your family home? Turns out, that's normal.  Today, let's talk about Internal Family Systems and the roles cemented in your brain. Protectors, Exiles, Distractors, and their vicious cycles that leave us feeling out of control of our own noggins. Plus, how to work with them, instead of hosting raging battles inside forever. Looking for more deets or just want to help support this solo-DIY project? It's much needed and appreciated. Hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to keep the knowledge spreading through diverse social systems.  Check t-mfrs.com for more info on the whole community healing project. 🍻 Cheers y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

When your brain is a spiralling hellhole of "not good enough, never have been"... sometimes you withdraw. When that shitscape is finally over, it's time to reconsider the hiding you've been doing.  Let's talk about what happened in those isolative times '21-22 and the sudden re-release of episodes from the beginning days of this accidental podcast.  Stoked to get better acquainted... and hail yer damn Self, Fuckers.  Cheers MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Surprise, we're back! Keeping up with the private stream's topic of the month, we're here to talk about Loneliness.  Let's discuss the varieties of loneliness, the trends that start in childhood and pervade a lifetime, and the separate condition known as Isolation. Plus, how being a relational castaway can actually benefit our post-traumatic growth (whaaat).  Looking for all the details and community reflections on these lifetimes of loneliness? Find em at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers - promise you'll feel less alone. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message