Having a plan for when your partner goes on a date makes it way more likely that you will both have a positive relationship experience, no matter how the date itself goes. What goes into our plans? We've got three categories and lots of examples of things that help us and have proven to help Joli's clients handle the big emotions of date nights, so dig in! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Looking for the Neuro-Somatic Intelligence tools we talk about all the time? We've made a FREE video training just for our listeners- find it here

Bringing up non-monogamy can be a shock to your partner's system. But if you never bring it up, you'll never even know what's possible for you. Here's how you can plan for success and make this potentially shocking conversation an opportunity to upgrade your relational skills.  Resources from this episode: The conversation guide: www.jolihamilton.com/easy Our video with tools for nervous system regulation: Neuro-Somatic Intelligence ™ for Navigating Change Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

Libby Sinback, from Making Polyamory Work joins Joli for a conversation about one of the BEST parts of shifting from monogamy to non-monogamy: community that supports your authentic self. More connection is why so many of us practice non-monogamy, but it's not always clear how to actually make the community we long for. Listen as we provide both inspiration and practical advice on how to find, create, and enjoy non-monogamous community! Learn more about Libby at https://libbysinback.com/ Hear more from Libby on Making Polyamory Work Podcast Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Resources and communities mentioned in the episode: The Year of Opening Group with Joli Relational Non-monogamy Circles with Libby Multiamory Patreon Community Normalizing Non-monogamy Community Esther Perel Discussion Group The Daylovers Support Groups Poly.land Discord Community

Is polyamory something innate in you, like an orientation? Is it a practice? A philosophy? A mindset? An identity? A choice?  Being able to describe your approach to polyamory makes it easier to connect with others, build community, and choose partners from a place of enthusiastic, informed consent.  Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

It's our 100th episode of Playing with Fire! This podcast was intended to be 13 episodes to cover each chapter of Joli's first book... and here we are with 100 episodes in and feeling more excited about this shared project than we ever dreamed. Every relationship benefits from a shared purpose (see episode 65), but so often, the shared project defaults to householding and/or kids.  Proactively creating shared purpose beyond the banal is an option. For us, it's been a magnificent addition to our connection. Especially as our kids grow up and we face a (sort-of) empty nest during the college years- it was looking easier to turn to other relationships for creative, vulnerable fun. And then Playing with Fire was born. This episode is highly personal and also designed to be inspirational.  We did what we do whenever we are having a relationship retrospective: one part analysis (Ken's a scrum guy, of course), one part gratitude, and one part weird. I love adding the weird- why even bother being alive if not to be weird? Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure. It's normal to want to individuate. It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy. But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections?  Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment theory. Y'all are smart- and she's done a lot of interviews already (google is your friend), so I wanted to go deeper and find out how Jessica weaves other theories into her work and how she helps people move out of relational trauma loops and into the life they desire.  Jealousy, internal family systems/parts work, and narrative therapy... oh, and some sneak peeks of Jessica's upcoming book Polywise! Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.  Learn more at  www.JessicaFern.com  Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

Joli here- how many times have you heard one of these gems?  You're a lot.  You're intimidating.  You're an energizer bunny.  You're hyper-productive.  You must never rest.  You're just too much.  Tell me, who are you comparing me to when you make this pronouncement?  Ken sat down to talk out one of my core wounded parts, the girl who gets told she's intimidating in every way. It was good medicine for me, and I hope listening in offers the same to you.  If you've been told you're too much, I hope I hear more from you. Get louder, dance more wildly, splash color everywhere... be you where I can see, please! If you're ready to be all of you, consider embarking on your individuation journey working with Joli personally. There's only one remaining spot for 2023  Click here to apply for individuation coaching.

Does the thought of your partner being with someone else make you...hot as hell?  You aren't alone.  Though jealousy is often thought of as the LAST thing anyone would want in their life, that's not the only way it goes. In Joli's phenomenological research, 30% of participants reported sexual, juicy responses when they felt jealous. Turning the standard jealousy narrative on its head is a delicious opportunity- and in this very personal episode, we're talking about how working with jealousy differently over the past two decades has led to some transformative and HOT times. It really is possible to get off on the complex feeling of jealousy- come hear how we've been working with it to do just that. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

Seeking open relationship bliss?  Great. Us too. And all my clients. You're not alone. Every week I hear from at least a few people who want to know if they should try to open right from the start or whether they need to solidify their couplehood first. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion, and I hear a ton of FEAR that if you get this *wrong*, you're relationship is going to be so.much.harder. This episode hits a lot of non-monogamy hot-buttons, so get ready to consider things from multiple angles! Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Creating the relationship you really want begins with the ENVISIONING process. Plus, it's really easy to find yourself in relationships that don't fit right (but do feel familiar) unless you actively participate in the relationship envisioning process.  This conversation is like being a fly on the wall of our relationship- Ken's sharing how he wound up in a marriage that was completely the opposite of what his soul truly longed for, and Joli's got some tips for how to get started in your own envisioning process. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Interested in working with Joli directly? Click here to apply for individual coaching.

I (Joli) love romantic friendships. Ones that have a deeply intimate quality and the capacity to have honest conversations about boundaries and relationship agreements. Ones that feel soft, warm, and connected. But romantic friendships scare some people- it makes sense because they are one way we can live  beyond the boxes of patriarchal convention. Developing romantic friendships takes intentionality and creativity... and it's totally worth it! There are two big takeaways at the end that will get you started breaking the norms and building the friendships you truly want! Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

This week we are sharing our most popular episode ever- this one is a not-to-miss! Relationship agreements might sound dry but the process of co-creating relationship bliss is NOT dry in the least.  This episode is part explanation, part demonstration of how we review and negotiate the living document that is our relationship agreement. We found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need to address--No relationship escapes being a work in progress, including ours. Are you ready to open up happily? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Relationships are where we seek security, so making changes can feel particularly scary or overwhelming.  Don't let this fear stop you from creating the custom-built relationship you really want!   This episode is all about how you can shift your experience of opening up from fearful to hopeful starting today. How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching for people who want to make their relationships as unique as they are themselves. This is relational psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

"Why are you doing it like that?"  Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for.  Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift our feedback patterns.  Did you love Dr. Jessica's style? Check out her fantastic Empowered Relationships Podcast ! Dr. Jessica Higgins holds two graduate degrees in psychology, two coaching certifications, and over 20 years of experience helping clients achieve successful results. As the host of the Empowered Relationship Podcast, she helps people navigate the terrain of long-lasting intimacy more skillfully and mindfully. Through her coaching and online course, clients transform pain into love and connection. Listeners can download Dr. Jessica’s free guide “Is Criticism Tearing Your Relationship Apart?” here  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/91-how-to-deal-with-criticism-so-it-doesnt-ruin-your/id1540852334?i=1000590468627 Find out more about Jessica's work here https://drjessicahiggins.com/ How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching for people who want to make their relationships as unique as they are themselves. This is relational psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Want a more expansive, custom-designed life? You need to take some risks and make changes. BUT--before you go committing to permanent change, learn exactly how to use one of Joli's most-trusted tools for minimizing risk while making exciting changes in your relationships.  How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching for people who want to make their relationships as unique as they are themselves. This is relational psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Relationships get stronger and healthier when you talk about them with your partners. For that you're going to need shared language and meaning, Learning the jargon of relationship styles is so helpful! So, here's how we think about relationship labels---open relationship, kitchen table polyamory, relationship anarchy, and lots more. As mentioned in the episode, for more information on relationship anarchy, read Andie Nordgren’s Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Do you wish desire just magically ramped up without any effort? It certainly does sometimes, but most of the time desire flows better because we actively FUEL desire. This week we're talking about the things that block your access to desire and what to do about those blocks.  Desire does not have to be elusive, so if you struggle here rest assured it is 100% normal to need to learn the skills of building desire in yourself and in your relationships. Link to the research on responsive desire by Bancroft & Janssen  See also: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

Sure, it sounds fun, but is polyamory actually practical? And what if you have kids-- it's already tough to find time-- how can this work? What about STIs? Unplanned pregnancy? Or what if we find out we aren't a good fit anymore? When these big questions loom its helpful to hear from people who've been there, done, got the t-shirt. If you're new to polyamory this interview is especially well-suited for you!  Laura Boyle, the author of Ready for Polyamory joins us to talk about how this all really works.  They can visit www.readyforpolyamory.com/about for a complete listing of all Laura's content both free and paid, or for bite-sized polyamory content follow her on Instagram and TikTok @readyforpolyamory.

Conventional wisdom tells us marriage is all about compromise and we are not here for it. Honestly, conventional wisdom will, at best get you a conventional relationship... and if you are here you want way more than that kind of life. Let's talk about what compromise does to your individuation path, where compromise is appropriate, and how to choose an uncompromising intimacy with love and compassion. Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 minute quiz and see! Joli offers both private and group coaching on non-monogamy as psychological individuation work. There's nothing else like it! Apply to work with Joli here

"I want to feel less jealousy and more compersion- HELP!" There's no one in the world who can speak to this topic like Dr. Marie Thouin, so we were thrilled to have this conversation with her. Compersion is the feeling of joy for another's joy, and it's often seen as the opposite of jealousy. Every week I hear people wrestling with jealousy and trying to move toward compersion, but what is compersion beyond that short definition? What conditions help us feel compersion and what hinders compersion? Marie is bringing us answers directly from her research. If you love Joli's jealousy work- wait till you hear where the collaboration of jealousy researcher + compersion researcher takes us! Want to know more about Dr. Thouins work? Go to her website www.WhatIsCompersion.com to read more about her research & join the mailing list, and also book a free 30-min exploratory session for dating & relationship coaching at www.LoveInSight-Dating.com. ...also follow Marie on Instagram, @love_insight_dating Have a question you'd like us to answer on a follow-up episode? email ken@jolihamilton.com and we'll add your question to the queue!