How to Build Intimacy One Step at a Time After Betrayal
Alex Avila is a Master CSAT and the Founder and Director of Relationship Institute of the Rockies. He works with men, women, and couples on their sexual intimacy and helps them explore, and overcome, their trauma so that they can connect deeper and more emotionally in their relationships. Alex is also the author of, 40 Forms of Intimacy, in which he dives into how couples can strengthen their relationship through communication and understanding. Find out more on this week’s episode!
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:50] How do you build intimacy while also recovering from addiction?
[3:15] What is intimacy? Intimacy is sex! No, not so fast.
[7:55] What does intimacy look like in the context of a romantic relationship?
[9:30] Alex explains what attunement means and why addicts often struggle in this area.
[11:00] How do you truly express appreciation for your partner?
[16:00] If things get too heated, take a break. You’re responsible for half of the relationship, and you should be able to communicate that in a healthy way.
[22:10] Build a ritual together, build a space in your home where it’s a safe space to air out some of your grievances. A safe space to communicate openly.
[28:30] Remember, we are human. Sometimes when we express vulnerability, the other person can take it down a completely different road than where we wanted it to go.
[34:25] If you’re not in a relationship, would you still benefit from Alex’s book?
[37:00] Feel free to reach out to Alex for more information!
RESOURCES:
The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Dr. Rob Guest Lecture on Sex and Relationship Healing
Grab Alex’s book: 40 Forms of Intimacy
QUOTES:
- “Sometimes we appreciate things, but we don’t turn those thoughts into words.”
- “When someone says something, it just triggers a thought and then we grab the conversation and take it in a whole different direction. That can be painful.”
- “In all these topics we’re talking about respect, safety, and being sensitive to each other.”
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