Part 1: How Do You Become a Sex Addict?
Dr. Rob does a solo episode to discuss some common questions that arise in his practice. Things like, how someone becomes a sex addict in the first place, why shame plays an integrated role in addiction, and how to re-learn to ask for your basic needs in adulthood. Recovery is hard, but it’s possible. Dr. Rob hopes this episode opens your eyes and shows you that you’re not a bad person.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:45] How does someone become a sex addict?
[2:45] Treatment is about three things: 1. Learning how to not do this. 2. Learning about addiction. 3. Learning about yourself.
[4:15] Shame prevents you from asking what you truly need for yourself.
[6:15] Addicts often grew up learning that no one was going to meet your basic needs, so why even bother asking?
[10:45] Young children don’t understand what’s going on in an adult world and often blame themselves for any wrong doings.
[14:15] What actually happens in a healthy family?
[19:10] Addicts walk around adulthood feeling empty looking for people to meet their needs, only to be disappointed.
[23:00] Your feelings naturally get pushed in the way, way back. This is why you act out!
[24:20] Your emotions are just information indicators that there’s something wrong.
[29:35] We learned a long time ago that our needs hurt other people. Of course, as an adult, this is not true!
[30:15] So many people in recovery don’t even realize what it is they need emotionally. This is a learned process and it takes time to learn.
RESOURCES:
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
QUOTES:
- “We’re not bad people, we’re broken people.”
- “Many of us grew up knowing that it didn’t matter what we needed because nobody was going to meet those needs.”
- “Shame is the felt experience of being defective that is brought about by early emotional disorders.”
- “Your emotions are just information that [you might be having a bad day].”
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