FA 106 Reconnecting With Family

Introduction topic

THE MOST RELAXING VACATION YOU CAN TAKE IS GOING NOWHERE AT ALL

Ephrat Livni - Quartzy

https://qz.com/quartzy/1342058/the-most-relaxing-vacation-you-can-take-is-going-nowhere-at-all/

Importance of unstructured time

“Dolce far niente” - the sweet joy of doing nothing

“Remaining close to home—or just in it, hanging out—leaves you refreshed and provides perspective. And it may be the key to your next great idea.”

Become comfortable with being alone with yourself; wherever you go, your self comes with!

Take time to be present and enjoy wherever you are

avoid having a completionist mindset of ticking boxes just to say you’ve been somewhere

Topic

When is it a good idea to step away from family?

Toxic behavior

Emotional blackmail/coercion

Abusive/threatening behavior

Lack of acceptance

Need to create space to establish own values/priorities

Why reconnect with family?

Source of stability/constancy in your life

Reconnecting with unconditional love underlying family bonds

Greater understanding of self (family of origin)

If they loved you before, they can love you again

Support Structure

When is the right time to reconnect with family?

Financial independence

Stable, independent living situation

no risk, nothing to lose if your family chooses to reject you.

After time to heal / develop “new normal”

“Most parents prefer having a gay son to no son at all”
- Dan Savage

Times of crisis (family member ill/dying)

How to reconnect with family

Non-violent communication

Provide “first-aid” empathy

Seek to understand before seeking to be understood

Express your feelings and needs without placing blame or judgement on your family members

Look for a “win-win”

“My lifestyle is not the same as your lifestyle, but both are okay, and we can choose to live the life that we want”

Look for ways to spend time together that will meet everyone’s needs

Don’t rush it, go at your own pace

Reconnection isn’t going to happen overnight

Feedback

None for this week

Question(s)

What are some of the best techniques you could offer to help get over a toxic relationship? Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or friends.

Self-empathy

Self-care

Choosing to control what you can (your actions/perceptions/interpretations) and release control of what you cannot (your abuser’s past actions, what your abuser does now)

Forgive your abuser (even if you don’t let them know)

Empathy and understanding can lessen pain

Forgiveness does not absolve someone of being responsible for their actions or of being held accountable

Forgive yourself for allowing the abuse to happen as long as it did

You are only capable of doing your best at any given moment, given the information you have

It is impossible to make a mistake; mistake is a judgement applied to an action after it has occurred

Figure out what you were getting from the toxic relationship

Try to figure out how you can get these needs met in a healthier way

Be mindful not to enter into a relationship with someone very like your previous partner

We are often attracted to what feels familiar, not what feels good

Closer

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Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/