You were not ready for this… and you should not have to be. Being ready would have meant living in fear, resentment, or numbed denial. Being caught off guard and overwhelmed is the best possible and healthiest response to sexual sin by your spouse. That doesn’t lessen your pain but it should help alleviate some of the sense of shame and failure you may feel.
In these early stages, you do not know if you know the whole truth and you don’t know how to discern when you will have learned everything you need to learn (or even how to discern what you do and don’t need/want to know). That is an incredibly disorienting position to be in. It’s like being spun around 20 times, given a broken compass, and told to run North as if your life depended on it.
At this stage in the process, sexual sin is being used as a broad term, encompassing pornography, emotional affairs, and adultery. Some distinctions between these will begin to be made in Step 2. Right now you do not yet confidently know that your spouse has been completely honest about his/her sin. Therefore this chapter will focus on how to prepare yourself to receive the information that will need to be disclosed.
This chapter is meant to give you a North-ward rail to hold on to at a very confusing time. The True Betrayal study is meant to be studied with a trusted companion as you walk (not run) North. This trusted companion is not your spouse, at least not yet. Neither of you are objective enough at this stage in the journey to serve as each other’s primary companion in this struggle (that is undoubtedly part of the sting and shame associated with sexual sin in marriage).
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