It is one thing to experience the impact of your suffering; it is another thing to understand the impact of your suffering. You have been experiencing the impact full force since the revelation of your spouse’s sexual sin and (likely) even before discovery you were wrestling to make sense of its impact without the central piece to the puzzle. In this chapter, we will begin to understand the connection between what happened and the changes in your life, emotions, and relationships.
In this chapter we will look at three subjects.
- Factors that Increase Impact
- The Impact on You
- The Impact on the Marriage
As you go through this chapter you need to have realistic expectations for yourself. Gaining a better understanding of chaos does not make it orderly. At first what you read may simultaneously make sense – providing a degree of relief – and make no sense at all – leaving you feeling more overwhelmed. That might tempt you to think that you failed or that the effort is pointless. This simply means that within a storm no amount of education in meteorology (the study of weather) will keep you from getting wet.
“Adultery recovery is overwhelming, all-consuming. It is a rare person indeed who can think clearly in these circumstances (p. 101).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
At the end of this chapter you should be able to say some of the following statements. “I’m not the only person who has felt this way... I’m not crazy… There are reasons my spouse and I see things so differently… That doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is hard-hearted or that I’m over-reacting… It makes sense why my ability to remember or keep track of time is disrupted… Etc.”
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