Episode 52: California Bacon, Where To Spend The Apocalypse, & The Return of Tasmanian Devils

Kathleen opens the show drinking a Salt and Sea Ale from Flying Fish Brewing Co in Somerdale, NJ which she picked up flying home from her show at The Mirage in Las Vegas. 

TERMITE SHOUTOUTS: Kathleen is thrilled to go through mail sent from Termites and has many thanks to offer to those who left gifts at the Mirage Las Vegas show. Big thanks to Termite Margie for bringing a homemade Storytime quilt, and to the Termite couple from the Bay area that Kathleen met at Starbucks who left a very cool Ranch Christmas ornament. Termite Katherine sent the “Diary of An America Exorcist” book to Kathleen’s PO Box, which she CANNOT WAIT to read, and Pacific NW Termites Nicki and Patrick “The Diesel” sent Johnny’s Seasoning Salts, which Kathleen has used on chicken and absolutely loves.  

“GOOD BAD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food AND in continuing her search for the best Ranch, Kathleen samples Terrapin Ridge Farms Hatch Chile Ranch from Termite Kathleen, who introduced herself as Kathleen’s “new Mexican fan in Vegas.” Kathleen then shows the Termites her new summer find: Bud Light Seltzer Frozen Icicles, which she pledges to freeze and report back how delicious they are. Grand Termite Ron White spent last week at her house and left Ranch Water hard seltzer from Texas, which Kathleen compares to seltzer that you’re forced to drink before a colonoscopy. 

UPDATE ON KATHLEEN’S QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen provides an update on the Queens, reading an article disclosing that Queen Dolly Parton used royalties from Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You” to support a Black community in Nashville. When Houston recorded the hit and made it a global smash, Dolly considered how she could give back: “It was a whole strip mall, and I thought this is the perfect place for me to be, considering it was Whitney, so I just thought, ‘This is great, I’m just going to be down here with her people, who are my people as well,’” Parton said. Kathleen praises Dolly’s generosity, telling listeners that she also likes to drop “Angel Bombs” whenever she has an opportunity to. Kathleen then moves on with an update on Queen Stevie, reading a recent article where her former bandmate Lindsey Buckingham mentions that if he wanted to return to Fleetwood Mac “pretty much everyone” would love to have him. Kathleen laughs that even in their seventies, iconic bands like Fleetwood Mac are having “senior band fights.” 

BABY HOLMES ARRIVES: In continuing with her obsession with Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes, Kathleen reads an UPDATE that the sociopath Holmes has had her baby boy, and the judge in her fraud case has ruled to allow for former Theranos patients to testify in the trial. 

VOLOCOPTER: Kathleen gives the Termites an update regarding the flight of the new experimental volocopter, and although the electrical aircraft completed a flight it only flew for 4 mins at a top speed of 18mph. NOT very Jetsons-like in Kathleen’s opinion, but it’s a start.

BRITNEY SPEARS INSTAGRAM: Kathleen continues her reports on the #FreeBritney movement, reviewing the antics posted on Britney’s Instagram page and recommending that Britney watch Beau Burnham’s “White Woman Instagram” for more appropriate posting guidelines if she ever wants to be released from her ongoing conservatorship. 

BANDED COBRA LOOSE IN DALLAS: Kathleen is amused reading yet another article about a missing exotic snake. A venomous 6-foot long West African Banded Cobra is on the loose in Grand Prairie, TX. The cobra has been missing for over a week, and City animal services, the owner, and a private reptile removal expert have been searching for the snake without success. Authorities urge anyone seeing the snake call 911, which Kathleen doesn’t see as being an issue as she reenacts how that emergency call might go…

DOMESTIC PASTA ASSAULT: Kathleen laughs out loud reading an article out of Clearwater, FL where a couple has been arrested on misdemeanor assault charges after a verbal argument turned violent. Local police allege that each shoved a plate of spaghetti in the other’s face and was still covered in pasta when police arrived. 

SHAKIRA TAX FRAUD: Kathleen announces that Colombian pop star Shakira could stand trial for alleged tax evasion of $17 million in Spain for alleged tax evasion in 2012, 2013, and 2014, a judge at a court near Barcelona has ruled. Shakira lived more than 200 days in Spain in each of those three years, making her liable to pay taxes in the country, however, her legal team argues that her main residence was in the Bahamas. Local Spanish media also says that she has a home in the Barcelona area with her longtime partner, FC Barcelona football defender Gerard Pique, with whom she has two children. 

WHERE TO SPEND THE END OF THE WORLD: In breaking news and with the COVID-19 pandemic resurging, Kathleen reads an article advising where the best place is to survive a global societal collapse. Scientists and researchers have determined that New Zealand, Iceland, the UK, Tasmania, and Ireland are the places best suited to survive a global collapse of society. A collapse could be defined by shocks, such as a severe financial crisis, the impacts of the climate crisis, destruction of nature, an even worse pandemic than Covid-19 or a combination of these, the scientists said. To assess which nations would be most resilient to such a collapse, countries were ranked according to their ability to grow food for their population, protect their borders from unwanted mass migration, and maintain an electrical grid and some manufacturing ability. Islands in temperate regions and mostly with low population densities came out on top. Kathleen announces that she hopes to spend a great deal of time in Ireland regardless of the state of society since she loves the people and firmly believes that she could survive on Guinness and potatoes. 

DISAPPEARING BACON: Kathleen is horrified reading an article advising that bacon my disappear in California as new pig rules take effect. In 2022, California will begin enforcing an animal welfare proposition approved overwhelmingly by voters in 2018 that requires more space for breeding pigs, egg-laying chickens and veal calves. National veal and egg producers are optimistic they can meet the new standards, but only 4% of hog operations now comply with the new rules. Unless the courts intervene or the state temporarily allows non-compliant meat to be sold in the state, California will lose almost all of its pork supply, much of which comes from Iowa, and pork producers will face higher costs to regain a key market. Stay tuned, Termites…

ACID-SHOOTING SCORPIONS: Kathleen can’t believe that another rare creature has been found in Texas, as she reads an advisory that Whip Scorpions have been found in Big Bend National Park. Not only can these vinegaroons pinch, but they have long whip-like tails that can shoot a spray of 85% acetic acid (the main component of vinegar.)

HOBBY LOBBY SEIZURE: As a follow-up to Ep46, Kathleen reads another article to fuel her hatred of Hobby Lobby’s owners, as she feels as though they don’t treat their employees with respect. Hobby Lobby reportedly purchased a rare tablet inscribed with a portion of the Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the oldest known works of literature. The artifact was acquired for display at the Museum of the Bible, a Washington, D.C. institution funded by the family of Hobby Lobby founder David Green. However, the DOJ has ordered the tablet’s forfeiture on the grounds that it was illegally imported into the United States and sold to Hobby Lobby under false pretenses.

 TASMANIAN DEVILS RETURN: Kathleen is delighted to share an announcement that seven Tasmanian devils have been born at the Barrington Wildlife Sanctuary in Australia, more than 3,000 years after they died out in the country.

A NOODLER’S FISH OF A LIFETIME: Kathleen loves to talk about the hillbilly “sport” of Noodling, as outlined in her bit “Noodling” from her Bothering Jesus album. She’s thrilled to read a recent article out of East Texas where Noodler Levi Bennett wrestled a 106-pound flathead catfish out of a culvert. The fish is one of the largest ever recorded to be caught by hand fishing. 

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEK: Kathleen recommends watching “The Spanish Princess” on Starz.

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