Episode 55: Taco Bell Breakfast, Betty White’s Advice, & A Nirvana Baby Tantrum

Kathleen opens the show drinking a Day Drinking Watermelon Rose created by one of her favorite bands, Little Big Town.

TERMITE SHOUTOUTS: Kathleen gives thanks to the Termites who leave notes at shows and send mail to her PO Box. She begins by thanking Termite Adam in Greenville, SC for the super-cool South Carolina rocks glass. Termite Debbie sent what Kathleen refers to as a “Henry the 8th” Crown Royal bag, which she thinks is very cool. Kathleen then thanks Termite Wendy “from the middle of nowhere, CA” who sent a Discovery Bay Country Club golf ball and hat, and Justin at the Tulsa Drillers who sent Kathleen and Ron White matching Tulsa Noodlers bucket hats which they can’t wait to wear often on the golf course. 

“GOOD BAD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food AND in continuing her search for the best Ranch, Kathleen samples Lay’s Funyun Flavored chips, which she doesn’t think actually taste like Funyuns. She then moves on to taste Kettle Krinkle Cut Habanero Lime chips, which Kathleen loves but she thinks they pack a lot of heat and finishes off with Hannaford Ranch dip from Scarborough, ME (brought to a show from a Termite) which she thinks is a great Ranch flavor and awards it the compliment of “it’s Just Ranch.” Speaking of some of her favorite meals, Kathleen tells the Termites how much she loves watching Trisha Yearwood’s cooking show “Trisha’s Southern Kitchen” on The Food Network, because Trisha is incredibly creative in making simple dishes really fun and interesting, specifically citing Trisha’s recipe for Chicken Pot Pie burgers. Speaking of great Southern cooks, Kathleen quotes her dear friend and comedian Vic Henley’s bit “Paula Deen,” which is one of Kathleen’s favorite jokes of all time.

UPDATE ON KATHLEEN’S QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen provides an update on the Queens, reporting that Queen Stevie Nicks recently disclosed on Tim McGraw’s podcast “Beyond The Influence Radio” that she would potentially be into writing a potential biopic and/or book, but that it would have to be a multi-part series like “Twilight.” No other breaking news to report on the remaining members of the Court this week.

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY SUED (AGAIN): In continuing with Kathleen’s quest to see the fall of Jerry Falwell Jr, Kathleen reads an article advising that Virginia’s Liberty University has been sued by 12 women who claim the school created an environment that increased the likelihood of sexual assault and rape.

BRITNEY GETS HER DOGS BACK: Kathleen has become an avid follower of the #FreeBritney movement and shakes her head as she reports that Britney’s former housekeeper recently removed Britney’s dogs from her home after stating that she felt the dogs were being neglected. TMZ reported that a violent confrontation followed since Britney allegedly believed that her father was involved in having her dogs taken away to continue conservatorship control and inflict pain on his daughter. Kathleen moves on to tell listeners about the funniest TMZ report that she’s seen, involving her BFF Ron White running down a South Carolina street in his underwear flailing a 9-iron at a fan who sideswiped his bus and wouldn’t leave Ron alone. 

NO MILKSHAKES IN THE UK: Being a lover of McDonald’s chocolate shakes, Kathleen is horrified to read a news release stating that McDonald’s has run out of milkshakes in the UK as a result of supply chain issues in the country. The supply chain struggles are being widely attributed to a lack of truck drivers, caused by a confluence of new post-Brexit EU immigration rules and Covid-19 measures imposed by the British government.  

NIRVANA BABY SUES THE BAND: Kathleen balks at the absurdity as she reads her next news piece regarding a lawsuit recently filed by Spencer Elden, who was photographed as a 4-month-old for the Nirvana album cover “Never Mind.” Kathleen laughs as she reads Elden’s claim that his "true identity and legal name are forever tied to the commercial sexual exploitation he experienced as a minor which has been distributed and sold worldwide from the time he was a baby to the present day". Elden cites permanent emotional distress and is asking for damages of at least $150,000 per defendant. Reps for the band have yet to comment.

HOT DOG TAKES 35 MINS OF LIFE: As Termites know, Kathleen LOVES hot dogs and she makes a good argument FOR eating hot dogs as she reads an article advising that researchers have released a nutritional index that ranks foods by minutes gained or lost off healthy life per serving, with processed meats and sugary drinks among the biggest offenders. The findings included over 5,000 foods in the US diet classified by health burden, including an 85-gram serving of chicken wings that translated to 3.3 minutes of life lost, while a beef hot dog on a bun resulted in some 36 minutes lost. 

Kathleen thinks the loss is totally worth the deliciousness and then describes some of her favorite hot dogs that she’s eaten including Canada’s JAPADog and the iconic Dodger Dog. She’s thrilled to read that 99-year-old icon Betty White contributes her long life to hot dogs and vodka, and Kathleen happily proclaims herself a proud member of Team Betty!

AL CAPONE’S LETTERS AUCTIONED OFF: Kathleen reads an article advising that many of Al Capone’s personal possessions are scheduled to be sold by his granddaughters at a Sacramento auction in October 2021. The gangster’s favorite gun, diamond jewelry, bear-shaped humidor, and family photos are being listed, and Kathleen shares her love of visiting Alcatraz whenever she’s in the San Francisco area. She then tells a personal story involving the kindest warden of Alcatraz to the Termites. 

LIVESTOCK DEWORMER AND COVID: Kathleen reminds listeners that she is NOT a doctor (nor a financial adviser or mathematician while we’re at it) but she’s bewildered while reading an article mentioning a warning from the Food and Drug Administration to advise people to stop taking livestock deworming drug they believe will treat COVID-19. Poison control centers in Mississippi, Arkansas, Missouri, and Oklahoma are reporting an uptick in calls about the drug Ivermectin, an anti-parasitic medicine often used to treat cattle and horses. Hold my beer, hillbillies…

TACO BELL BREAKFAST REVIVAL: Kathleen is thrilled to read that Taco Bell is upgrading its breakfast menu, and absolutely applauds their appointment of her mom’s favorite rapper L’il Nas X as their new Chief Impact Officer. She’s excited to try their new Breakfast Salsa on a hash brown toasted breakfast burrito, so stay tuned for those reviews, Termites. 

DIAMOND PYTHON SHOPS IN SYDNEY: Kathleen reads an article out of Australia where a 9-foot Diamond Python slithered out of a Woolworth’s shelf in Sydney after hiding in the spice aisle. The woman who noticed the snake happened to be a trained snake handler and worked with the staff on-site to catch the creature and remove it safely. Kathleen applauds the efforts of the catcher, voting that she should be rewarded with free groceries for a year. 

CHET HANX RANTS: Kathleen reads an article involving musician Chet Hanks, who recently went on an anti-vaccine rant despite his parents (Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson) being among the first to announce they had contracted COVID-19 at the outset of the pandemic more than a year ago. In his video posted to Instagram, the rapper tells his followers to get vaccinated and to take the pandemic seriously before shouting, “Psych,” which only fuels Kathleen’s teasing of him as she hasn’t heard of anyone using that phrase since the ’90s. 

BEYONCE’S BASQUAIT: In keeping with Kathleen’s immense love of art, she was excited to read an article about the display of a rare Basquiat painting by Tiffany & Co. The jeweler recently unveiled a splashy new campaign dubbed “About Love,” which features Jay-Z and Beyoncé wearing the 128.54 carat Tiffany Diamond. The shoot is centered around the large Jean-Michel Basquiat canvas Equals Pi, created by the late painter in 1982. The work was reportedly recently purchased by Tiffany, and press materials say that it’s been in the same collection since its creation, thus making it, per the brand, “the work of art’s first public appearance.”

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEK: Kathleen recommends listening to the podcast “The Dropout” in order to prepare for the upcoming Elizabeth Holmes trial. 

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