The word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

A lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Nothing is a hot-button topic quite like a couple looking to date the same person. A lot of people have only one piece of advice, "Don't," often served with heaping portions of shame and ridicule. Yet, year after year, established couples seek to find a shared partner, and many folks also seek relationships with established couples. Is there something to this? In this episode, Libby offers some thoughts on why you might want to date as a couple (or date a couple) and some helpful ideas on how to do this well. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Increasingly, Libby hears from folks who are interested in polyamory to solve a problem: either they or their partner cheated, and they want to repair and stay together, and nonmonogamy seems like a solution. In this episode, Libby outlines why it's rarely that simple. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby offers an uncomfortable but necessary reality check: love alone doesn't conquer all. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Maybe you know the joke, maybe you don't, but showing up for a second date with a uhaul can be risky. In this episode, Libby goes over why she thinks cohabiting during the new relationship energy (NRE) phase might not be the best idea, and what to do instead. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

We all carry stories with us about who we are, our place in the world, how others will see us, and what's possible for our lives. Some of these stories are stories we like, some are stories we want to write a new ending to. But did you know that try as you might to change the story, there's an invisible force that may be acting on you that might sabotage your efforts? In this episode, Libby talks about how your very own brain can stop you from changing your story, and some ideas for what you can do about that. Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9780358645597 Juliane Taylor Shore: https://www.cleariskind.com/ Implicit memory and memory reconsolidation: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-020-00754-z --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Do you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086 Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not. Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Polysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier! Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares one of her favorite tools for owning your ish when you mess up with someone you care about. Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Chaneè and Libby answer a question from a listener who identifies as asexual who asked about non-sexual polyamorous relationships. Chaneè identifies as almost-megasexual, Libby identifies as greyace/demisexual, so you can imagine that it is a RICH conversation. They talk about nonsexual partnerships, chosen family, grief, vulnerability and choosing the love that you want for your life. This one is not to be missed! Amatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity  Relationship Smorgasbord: https://www.instagram.com/p/CS9n8mqL4ys/?hl=en  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off):   Find Chaneè on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaneespeaks/  The Intentional Polyamory Cohort: https://intentionalpolyamory.netlify.app/  Schedule time with Chaneè: https://calendly.com/ChaneeSpeaks --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In part 2 of Libby's conversation with Akilah Riley-Richardson, Akilah shares her PRIDE model for supporting couples who are working to create safety and resilience in their relationships. Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/  Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227  Eduardo Duran: Healing the Soul Wound: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1200619 Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks with couples therapist and trauma specialist Akilah Riley-Richardson about relational privilege and how essential it is to create safety in order to find intimacy. (Part 1 of 2) Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/  Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/  Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227  Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In Part 2 of this episode, Libby shares her journey to getting clear on her values, figuring out how to act within her integrity and how that led her to find her way to true belonging. Braving the WIlderness by Brene Brown Southwest Love Fest (Use code "GOSLOW" for a 10% discount) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby introduces a new season of Making Polyamory Work with a very personal reflection on belonging, fitting in, values and integrity. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Catherine of Expansive Connection answer a listener question about coming out to older kids. https://www.expansiveconnection.com/ https://www.expansiveconnection.com/enm https://www.instagram.com/expansive.connection.coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

LIbby talks about how important it is to talk about fears with our partners. How we respond when our partner shares a fear with us can make a tremendous difference in how we tend to them and ourselves. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby describes the phenomenon known as New Information Shock and how to handle it when you encounter it in your relationships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message