The Masquerade of the Saris

The word 'סָרִיס' ('saris') refers in the Mishnah to someone who was assigned male at birth but later becomes female. I've struggled with my gender identity all my life. I first came out as genderfluid when I was 14, and then as a trans girl at around 16. I only started transitioning last year. This song is about those struggles, including some very stupid things I've done, and I hope and pray that others who struggle with gender dysphoria—whether they be boys or girls or anything in between or outside—are helped by this song. St. Anastasia the Patrician, pray for all transgender and gender nonconforming people that we all may be accepted and find peace with ourselves. • Lyrics: I ask myself every day: 'Am I wearing a mask for a play? And is the mask of a girl or a boy?' This agony gives me no joy. It's a question of my heart: 'Shall I stay or should I restart?' So many broken years, so many needless tears. As they call me to harm, I'm bleeding from my arm. Red like roses, these scars will meet in falling stars. I wear a masculine mask and to wear it is quite a task, for I am a lady beneath, and soon I will unsheathe. Shame and doubt plague my soul and confusion takes its toll. Trapped in my very own flesh, what am I but a wretch? I dressed as a girl when I was alone as if I was to atone for the dissonance in my mind. How could I have been so blind? Who I am I still can't tell, but I know I'm climbing out of this hell to live as the lady I was born to be: winged, unconfined, boundless, and free. • Credits: • Evangeline Sutherland ——vocals, guitar, production, lyrics, composition