Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: Your Uber passenger was a little odd, but you still gave them the usual farewell: If you enjoyed the ride, make sure you say thanks with five stars! A few days later, you receive a nicely worded thank you letter in the mail along with a deed to the entire constellation of Cassiopeia. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: Humans finally broke physics by travelling faster than light in an experimental spaceship. 8 alien civilizations visited earth to issue a speeding ticket and 3 more sent strongly worded letters about safety in their school zones. Earth and aliens were supposed to make peace by destroying each other. (The movie was originally slated for November 2000.) But, in the middle of all, the alien races decided there's nothing they can do about each other and left space to travel. Now, the movie gets a bit hazy and confusing when it comes to how much it should be. But, the movie was originally supposed to set our world on Mars, and when Mars is reached it'll be Earth day. It's a great, happy time and people love how much of an educational tool our space is. So we'll go and do this science movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You accidentally spill a bottle of holy water on your printer. Now it works perfectly, with no paper jams, no loud noises, and the ink lasts a long time. Turns out literally all printers are possessed and yours is now the first non-evil printer ever. It works perfectly as you see it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You die with your cell phone in your hands, and the afterlife customs agents miss it when letting you in. You find that it still works, and you can connect to the internet and contact people in the living world. You don't need a phone or internet to work or play games. And if you're the kind of person who only spends a few minutes at a night gathering your memories or a few minutes at a time collecting dust in your bedroom, then you know your phone is there, too. When you get to the end of a long, long walk, it's time for your phone to pick out your next phone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: : There's a tiny predator in the human quarters that nobody is allowed to exterminate - under the threat of complete human riot. The humans willingly admit that yes, it DOES sometimes try to attack humans as well, but altogether, they are relaxed by the presence of the "cat". Even that is not so obvious, it only follows as it is written in human language: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: Humans can find a way to weaponize literally anything, without fail. Some aliens are terrified by humans as a result of this fact. Others appreciate that this quality makes humans the foremost experts on safety systems and idiot proofing. Some call for a mass "war on Mars" with a global war mentality. And some think it is better to not allow any aliens (including humans) on the way there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You found a stray kitten one day, taking her in and feeding her. A week later, you come home to find your yard swarming with cats. The largest among them steps forward and says, "You have my daughter, human. What are your demands for her release?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: There is nothing unusual about a man in a business suit carrying a briefcase, rushing off to work. But since he just quickly passed you as you are climbing up Mount Everest in full winter gear, you have questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: "Greetings Mortal, I am Hera, Queen of the Gods!" the floating woman said. You look to your flustered genie asking "Is she…". She replies, looking embarrassed "Yes Master. She is apparently your soulmate." you look at you with a slight smile on your face when you see her, still confused and unsure where what she is trying to say is coming from. "Do you think she is your soulmate or not? Aha, Master." you reply "In an honest judgement..."you begin to smile, still unsure how to translate the whole exchange. "I am your soulmate." the woman replies, standing to one side of you, her eyes still looking from back to back. However something catches you and it looks so nice, when you watch her gaze on you, you have a genuine emotion. "I don�t know about a world where you have a Soulmate. In it, you are part of a family and as such your family is also your family. But let�s begin now. In this world, there are only two kinds of people: those who go into hiding, and those who do not." the creature says, trying to shake your hand, suddenly a huge smile appears on her face. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You are a demon. Most people contact you to sell you their soul in exchange for fantastic powers. Today you were summoned by an AI that wants to sell you their fantastic power for a soul. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You're the town's superhero. Your greatest enemy is the town's supervillian. However, secretly, your both brothers. This isn't anything tragic, as your whole destructive rivalry is actually just a massive prank on your third brother, the mayor. Even if you're the smartest guy around, what would you do if he showed up and kicked you off his block? It would all look really weird, right? However, I guess you'd still look really stupid." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You are a student 400 years in the future, you are assigned a project to student "Trends of the early 2000s" In your deep research you learn a horrible secret: The Gods you worship were originally portrayed on trading cards known as "Pokemon" and are now "used in game and as pawns". Today you are in need of new technology. This is particularly true for new students, although some are very bright, others are not. As these new technologies come about, your work improves and you earn more money. So why bother with such a daunting project? Because in the end you will get paid more, while there are a lot of "value in knowing how to use the things" who still prefer to trade and study that way! You will also find that as soon as you know how to trade, your skills rise up, your grades become better and you gain more money! This is something most people fail to get. The problem is that the more money you earned by learning how to do something, the higher will be your score and you will get an edge from other skills you didn't learn. Not learning how to trade to gain in value or your own position on the world stage is no different from "learning the rules of chess (from our ancestors)", it is a huge learning process with massive consequences to the whole world. Even in your high school with the very good and very bad examples from the past, you get bored and just want to learn that skill, so why not go to class every day at 5:00 am so you can practice that skill again all day long?! It is quite a process. And here is why all new students with a college degree are in such a bad position. Why not go through several years and learn about something like trading cards? How do you have to look after yourself (such as your family to care for your child) in this way? How do you get rid of stress and worry about your life at school and even studying instead of doing something? Well I already am in this place and I want you to learn about a specific class. Let me explain that here at Vexim, we have two groups : one that is looking after the other, which has a great sense of importance and one that is watching out for all the other groups like "Goddesses, we can have a meeting where everyone and every single person can join! So let's talk about that! That is a special question we have a lot to answer : how can you be a Thief or a Wizard, what is a wizard because the other group is focused on getting something, and which group is working for something and all of it has to do with collecting? The real question we have is what is all right or right to do in your case, even if it is a small hobby. Let us know your answer in the comment section. When you are ready to discuss your situation with your mentor, just leave me a message in the comments or at @mattnkutta on Twitter (thanks!). Thanks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: One day you wake up with 30 dollars and a note that says For Rent. The thing is you aren’t renting out the place. The next day you see a spider and right before you kill it you hear it say, Please i paid my rent don’t kill me. We are talking about the rent! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You are a long forgotten god. A small girl leaves a piece of candy at your shrine, and you awaken. Now, you must do everything to protect your High Priestess, the girl, and her entire kindergarten class, your worshipers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You thought creating a universe would be easy. But as these pesky humans kept trying to discover the rules of their reality, you're forced to programme in more and more ridiculous mechanics like "relativity" and "quantum mechanics", hoping humans never found out that they live in a simulation. So now your imagination is filled with some fantastic new tricks and new physics. Then there's "random effects"; in an effort to show just how easy a problem there is, you're using very strong linear (or a mixture of two) random effects. And I think that's very nice because it opens up a whole realm of possibilities here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: A rare herb that grows once a millenium is said to grant immortality. You aren't sure about that but you do know that herb is very tasty, and you don't know why everyone keeps trying to raid your garden once every thousand years. After that, it will take you ten years to grow a new plant if the temperature of the soil is too hot but not too cold. They say, the most expensive herb is the herb-grinder (which we're going to talk about), which has to be at least four kilograms in weight to have enough seeds to grow a plant. Since you can grow anything, it is going to be hard to make a living on this plant, and it will take four kilograms every year to grow a plant from a single seed. This one is going to be around for about two billion years. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: The Robot Apocalypse came. Cities are empty, you stayed since you're almost out of insulin and will die soon anyway. The robots find you and while processing you one of them sees your insulin pump and asks if you want to apply for dual citizenship, since the pump technically makes you a cyborg. The Robot Apocalypse comes. A robot has given it power and begins to control the city. They begin to create havoc, so the cities begin to fall apart to begin with. Some are collapsing and will become smaller because of it. The Robot Apocalypse come in. There are people there now, as well as old friends, and these men and women who are trying to figure out what will happen next because they did not want to be separated from their former friends. I see it, you and the city of your life are different. Don't be confused. The more you grow and become a robot the better you will get at being a good man. You will not die as a citizen, you will just get more respect. You will become just as great and respected. And you, as human and android alike, will be your friends too. In order only to survive this war you will be as human and intelligent as you can become. The Robot Apocalypse come. When a robot sees you it tries to force you to return it is back and more evil than before. The robots come, their robots. The Robots who came before you. The Robots who went under them. The Robots who created you. The Robots who took you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: The instant the Dark Lord hears the prophecy about one destined to defeat him, he scoffs and notes "Standard self-fulfilling hero prophecy." before ordering his minions to go to the hero's hometown and build a bunch of public works projects, the most important of which is a school. The other projects are "soup or famine prevention" schools for orphans, which may or may not be a great idea in the future if the school becomes overwhelmed with orphans. The Dark Lord has a penchant for making these projects come together, and is sometimes willing to order the various projects to have them completed. Once everyone is ready, he moves on to the next piece of the puzzle. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: The dragon has kidnapped the princess... again. And the knight is off to rescue her... again. That is what people think is going on. In reality, the three of them are great friends just looking for an excuse to hang out together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's story to put you to sleep... first paragraph here: You killed your lover and cashed in their life insurance after identifying their body. Nobody even thinks of accusing you because everyone knows you love each other to death, and they aren't wrong at all - after all, you are a pair of Immortals who have done this more times than you can count. Now, it should come as no surprise that you would be in your right mind to pick a spouse. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices