True Betrayal - Step 5

Unpacking your suffering story was painful and exhausting. The temptation is now to want to whatever is “next” just to get you away from the pain. God is more gracious than to drive you that hard and that fast. God wants to care for you as a person and that involves knowing when you need rest and comfort more than “progress.” This is one of those times. Mourning is how we find rest in the midst of something painful and sad without living in denial or surrendering to cynicism.

Having identified the destructive themes of your suffering story, you can now mourn the various losses associated with your spouse’s sin without reinforcing those lies. Until we articulate our suffering story as false or distorted, we would be prone to meditate upon our suffering story instead of mourning our true losses in a healthy, God-honoring way.

Mourning does not mean hope has died. Confusion on this point is often why couples resist this step in their personal and marital recovery process. Mourning is a time of emotional transition. In a vehicle the driver must come to a stop before changing the transmission from reverse to drive or press the clutch to change from one gear to the next. Mourning serves a similar function in a relationship. It is the pause that allows a new type of work to begin.

In this chapter we will examine mourning in three sections.

1.    What Is Being Mourned?

2.    Mourning’s Evil Twin: Bitterness

3.    How to Mourn?

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