It was a tough decision on how to move forward today - we are a white-centered podcast by virtue of having two white hosts. However, we have always been a podcast that has been trying to move our communities forward in social justice and so today we're trying to do our part in that. This is a surface level introduction to understanding white supremacy and its ongoing presence in this country and our (my, your, our) lives. We have been complicit by virtue of our whiteness. We have been benefiting from a system that is rigged in our favor. If that makes you uncomfortable, you are not alone, but I hope you listen anyway. And if you'd prefer to skip me talking (which I absolutely respect), skip to the last 15 minutes and I list some books and organizations I'm learning from and supporting.

Pretty Sure the title of the episode says it all this week.

In this EPIC conclusion to our EPIC two episode arc premiering this EPIC season, these two pals just keep talking like they always do. Annie’s rate of crying is at least THREE TIMES BIGGER than last week’s episode. In fact she just snuffles her way through this whole episode, but she also turns a lot of corners in her ability to stand up for herself and assert her boundaries. We are all proud of Ann Krabb as she becomes a real Ben Schmidt. Meanwhile. Maddie blissfully discusses her desirability on the LA market. A classic moment of solidarity for these two rising stars.

Season five opens with a brand new feature of LSF - Annie is an official (albeit temporary) resident of Los Angeles, fulfilling Maddie’s decade long dream of controlling Annie’s life. These two chia pets, growing and changing in the wind, are both the same and not: Annie’s been recently heartbroken and Maddie has suitors, but their attitudes and reactions to their scenarios are new and different. You know, like chia pets. Yeah. The metaphor definitely works. On this episode we catch up on what’s been going on during social distance time and what’s to come. Welcome back listeners.

Maddie and Annie spend the week in perfect domestic bliss together. There was a homemade ravioli, an explosive mess from Annie’s suitcase, and two viewings of Booksmart in 20 hours. Maddie and Annie worked HARD on their various professional endeavors and then had some well-deserved wind-down time with weed mints. After spending the night together, our two heroines immediately jump on Tinder for some high speed confidence boosting.

In this episode, two young women make contact with each other, and with what’s her name Foster. Maddie finally announces that she won’t be running for president. Annie talks at length about her book, and it’s a little bit like, “Enough already. I’ll buy a copy if you stop talking about it.” And that’s how the book became a bestseller.

In what is by far the silliest and least professional episode of this otherwise super serious series, Maddie and Annie record the rare hour they get to spend together in this world. Annie - 26, good build, dazzling green eyes, drives a stick shift - selflessly picks her best friend up from the airport at 11:30 pm (oh yes, ladies, she's single). As the night turns to morning, Annie and Maddie go deeper and deeper…into the heart of Novato. The many audio issues during this recording do not explain how dramatically different these two heroines’ vocal qualities are, which they shamelessly force you to witness when they sing a classic ballad mid episode. This episode will leave you feeling small next to this swirling ocean of love.

Look they can’t all be winners. This episode has no unifying theme, the prospects for a coherent description are bleak. This episode was just as weird for us to record as it probably was for you to listen to. Maddie realizes with one single glance in the mirror that she is undesirable, ogre-like, and definitely needs braces. How sad that she lived with the delusion that this wasn’t true for the last 27 years and 2 months. Glad we didn’t have to be the ones to tell her though. Meanwhile, Annie recounts her time on Broadway, where she once entered a kick line with her old pal Bette Midler. Oh my god you just have to listen to find out more about it.

This episode has more surprises more frequent than Maddie’s mucusy Bronchitis coughs. We begin with an unexpected appearance from Dr. Claire (she/her), who’s seen a lot of vaginas for a straight woman. Amid doctor talk Annie is forced to say the word clitoris out loud. Maddie coughs up the last of her heartbreak as she prepares for the new year with some inspiring fitness goals. Annie oversells how many sexual partners she has had; this probably caused the sudden uptick in her unearned confidence, which caused her to apply for a college teaching position via Twitter post.

Maddie and Annie do some deep digging on their tinder profiles and the ultimate conclusion is that we’ll both be making out with hot dogs this year. Maddie humble brags about her modeling career and Annie takes it upon herself to check Maddie’s ego. In the last episode of 2019, Maddie sends Annie off to her family wth a directive to wear her new Timberlands no matter how much her family bullies her. Meanwhile, cuffing season with Maddie’s family will leave her one of 9 people without a partner. As for this year on the pod, I’ll quote Karen Smith when I say, “that was the best it ever went!”

Maddie and her therapist get creative with their vulnerability exercises which results in a Grilled Cheese from the Great Beyond. Meanwhile, Annie recaps a night at Tofu Tofu, named twice because one Tofu wanted a friend. In the grand scheme of things, we’re all single soy products looking for our fellow single soy products; we’re all pieces of bread looking to adhere ourselves to another piece of a bread with a gooey, cheesy bond between us.

I wish it was Friday - my have a big ol’ cry day. Annie and Maddie do some deep healing as Maddie tries to figure out how to stop being the selfless Mother Teresa that she is. She’s off to a good start as she plays with a dog instead of listening to ANYTHING Annie says on this episode. As Annie speaks into the void about her ~emotional problems,~ Maddie chimes in only to go over Annie’s language use with a fine tooth comb. This is how we brush through the messy rats’ nests of our lives; that and we’re starting a band called The Tangles.

A cultural inquiry into the patriarchal structures that perpetuate the most disastrous of all romantic scenarios, aka The Lesbian Standoff. For the first time in four years, Maddie pays attention to the hard-won insights Annie has into being a single gay. For the first time in four years, Annie flushes the toilet on the podcast. It all started with an Adele CD, the world’s ugliest photo, and that pool party that you couldn’t invite Janis Ian to because there would be girls there in their bikinis.

Annie and Maddie stumble over their words in an obvious come down from the high of last week’s special guest, Miranda. It’s Maddie’s 27th birthday and we’re doing everything we can to show her how much we love her, including writing her a 5,000 word essay about how much we love her. We talk about friendship and unconditional love, and Annie’s face catches on lit.er.al. fire as we uncover the truth about a high school relationship. Is this a classic lesbian standoff? Will Annie and Maddie ever hug again? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Like and subscribe to find out.

And then I thought to myself, what if gender is a construct? What if sex is just something the medical community is trying to hold up on a pedestal and force on people at birth? What if this saga in the West Village should be called Gender Identity and the City? What if that’s enough? Annie Krabbshaw and Samaddie Jones check in with their friend Miranda (they/them) to talk queerness, gender, coming out and more. Miranda is a gift to all that get to call them a friend, and an even greater force in the fight against the patriarchy. Charlotte didn’t come because I honestly forgot that fourth gal’s name until I looked it up on the internet.

…who shamelessly plugs herself at every opportunity, but is having a hard time getting a word in because her best friend can’t stop talking about a breakup that happened a whole four WEEKS ago. In this episode, watch as the beta gay tries to outmaneuver the alpha for air time - bragging about book length, reminiscing about glory days, and - oops, the alpha’s mom walked in to dominate the air waves in a well-deserved cameo. Game, set, match.

...who cried a river and recorded it for a wide audience. Our wonderful friend Maddie is still reeling in the aftermath of her breakup but she still finds a way to find gratitude, experience joy, and alienate all of our listeners by calling them homophobic (find out what you can do to convince her otherwise!). She’s doing so great, and is showering alone now, much to Annie’s great relief.

You’re used to hearing Annie ruminate on the women that done her wrong, but you, we, the world, are simply not prepared for the end of Maddie’s partnership. Annie and Maddie convene in California on the Krabbenschmidt sectional, exactly the same place where Maddie found Annie, crying over HER first heartbreak just 4 years ago. This is a whole new world for the LSF duo, reminding us that we are all, always, starting over; but this episode reminds us that through it all, Annie and Maddie love each other so immensely, and that’s gotta count for something one day.

Well, friends, Annie and Maddie are back to their usual antics. If it sounds like you’ve heard this episode before, it’s probably because life is a series of stops and starts, and we’re only in our twenties and we have no idea how to be functional humans. Maddie is back from the tour of a lifetime, and Annie is back from her brief time as a normal adult. There will be tales of music, art, self-loathing, and, you know it, heartbreak. Discovering the secret to balanced living is the designated story arc of this season; keep listening to KNOW THE TRUTH.

We end this season almost exactly as we began - talking tours and break ups. Maddie is set to embark on another month long journey opening for KT Tunstall, and she only has a mild case of neurotic fatalism. Meanwhile, Annie is FINE with her break up(s). She’s right back where she’s most comfortable - alone and proud. After starting this season with a dream of writing a book and wearing a suit, Annie ends this season right when her suit is ready and her book editor says, “we made the right choice.” Maddie is still happy with her girlfriend. Not much has changed there.