Have you ever set a goal for yourself that felt impossible to achieve? Maybe you told yourself, “I'm never going to view porn again,” only to feel discouraged and ashamed when you couldn't live up to that standard. Join me this week as I explore the concept of "dead people goals" and why they’re harmful to your progress in overcoming pornography. I share examples of common dead people goals and show you how they can damage your relationship with yourself, and you’ll also learn how to reframe your goals in a healthier, more achievable way. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/dead-people-goals If you’re ready to do this work and start practicing unconditional commitment towards quitting your porn habit, sign up to work with me: https://www.sarabrewer.com/workwithme

Do you feel stuck in a cycle of trying to quit porn, only to slip up and feel like a failure? Have you tried willpower, counting days, and shame tactics, but nothing seems to work long-term? If so, you're not alone. Join me this week to discover the five biggest mistakes people make when trying to quit pornography. Whether you've struggled for decades or are just starting your journey, you’ll learn the tools and insights you need to finally break free and create the life you desire. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/5-biggest-mistakes Register for my free live class, The New, Revolutionary Way to Quit Porn for Good, September 19, 2024. A shame-free, sex-positive methodology that is guaranteed to help you overcome pornography for good: https://centerforovercoming.com/freeliveclass

Have you struggled to overcome pornography for years or even decades? Do you feel out of control, ashamed, and hopeless that you'll never be able to quit for good? If you resonate, today’s powerful episode will show you what's truly possible when it comes to breaking free from your porn habit. Tune in to hear the breakthroughs Sam experienced that allowed him to finally quit porn for good after 20 years of failed attempts. He shares how overcoming his porn habit improved every area of his life, from his marriage to his career, and his thoughts on the long-term impact of investing in yourself. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/whats-possible-sam-2

This week, I’m joined by Dr. Kersti Spjut, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in sexual health and perfectionism. With years of experience running programs at BYU for people conflicted about their porn use, she brings a wealth of knowledge and practical strategies to help navigate the unique challenges that come with having ADHD while trying to change sexual behaviors. Tune in this week as Kersti dives deep into the connection between ADHD and porn use. She offers her insights on the shame and stigma surrounding ADHD, why those with ADHD may be more drawn to the ‘stickiness’ of porn, and her top recommendations of interventions that have helped people with ADHD manage their porn use. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://centerforovercoming.com/post/adhd-porn-use-kersti-spjut

One of the biggest misconceptions about having a porn habit is that if you’re experiencing unwanted pornography use, you’re lacking strength, willpower, or spirituality. This misleading belief is not only false but often leads to avoidance techniques I call Band-Aid solutions. In this episode, I show you how to stop relying on these quick fixes and how making tiny changes in the way you cope with emotions can change everything. Discover what Band-Aid solutions can look like in practice and why they don’t work long-term. Learn why buffering and numbing out prevents you from processing emotions in a healthy way, and how to stop the cycle of turning to porn every time life gets challenging so you can finally experience true freedom. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/no-more-band-aid-solutions

To dive into abusive attitudes and behaviors, boundaries, and worthiness wounds, I’m joined by Lindsay Poelman this week. Lindsay started as a betrayal trauma coach for women whose husbands view porn and is now a facilitator for Trauma-Informed coaches. She’s here to shed light on how worthiness wounds can contribute to abusive attitudes and behaviors, and what you can do to start the healing process. Discover the emotional wounds that often contribute to abusive dynamics in relationships. Lindsay and I explore examples of how abusive attitudes and behaviors can manifest, why you’re more likely to exhibit abusive tendencies if you have deep worthiness wounds, and Lindsay’s brain hacks for setting boundaries and creating a sense of self-safety. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/abusive-attitudes-behaviors-lindsay-poelman

To protect and provide is a beautiful energy that can be used for so much good in our world, regardless of gender. However, in the presence of worthiness wounds, these values can quickly turn toxic, and I show you how in this episode. Hear what worthiness wounds are, why they hurt, and how they might be showing up for you if you identify with the value of protecting and providing. Learn how this role turns toxic if you haven’t healed your worthiness wounds, why this conditioning is often enmeshed with toxic masculinity, and examples of how you can use this value of protecting and providing in healthy and honorable ways instead. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/worthiness-wounds-part-2-protect-provide

The working backwards process is all about figuring out what you’re buffering from. The value lies in going further back than you might typically be used to, to get to the root of why you self-sabotaged. By uncovering the root cause of your self-sabotage, you unlock the keys to building lasting change. I walk you through the keys to using the working backwards process effectively, and share an example from my own life of how I use this technique to understand myself better and replace self-judgment with self-compassion. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/working-backwards

Let’s talk about shame-free commitment. Whether your goal is to quit viewing porn completely, view it a couple of times a week, or heal your sexual shame, the why behind it is an essential component of your journey to quitting porn. Your feelings are the fuel for your quitting journey. I show you how to ditch the shame and focus on building shame-free commitments that empower you to live your best life. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/shame-free

If you’re currently on a journey towards quitting your pornography habit, chances are you’ve experienced denial along the way. Denial is a defensive state where you might refuse to accept or look at the truth, and while this is a common human experience, shame and guilt often come along with it. Learn a shame-free perspective on denial and examples of when denial shows up as a result of grief. Hear about the importance of noticing and feeling your sense of grief and how to find the peace and healing you desire. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/denial

In this Worthiness Wounds series, I’ll be speaking specifically to men and the worthiness wounds I’ve observed. A worthiness wound is the wound of shame and never feeling good enough, believing you have to do or be something more to be worthy. It’s not your fault if you resonate, but you’re the only one who can heal them, and I’m showing you how. Learn about the conditioning men receive that creates worthiness wounds and the types of results they produce. Hear why you’ll continue to feel empty if you’re chasing external accomplishments as a way to heal, how these types of wounds create buffering activities, and why they hurt not only you but those you love most too. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/worthiness-wounds-part-1-the-conditioning

If you’re learning new skills related to your porn use, they’re changing your life, and you’re feeling the benefits, but other people don’t get it, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves in situations where they feel relentlessly attacked by shame messages. While it might feel like it’s hindering your healing process, the truth is your power doesn’t come from other people finally getting it. Learn what to do when everyone around you takes a shame approach to porn. I’m showing you how your peace and freedom come from not participating in these narratives, some ways you might choose to step out of the line of fire, and how, when you learn to do this, you can make a much bigger difference in your community. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/everyone-shame-approach

Coach Kat is on the show this week to address the it’s-not-working mentality, where you feel stuck and like nothing has changed. Maybe it feels like you’ve been doing the work for months, only to keep viewing porn. Perhaps this plateau is tempting you to give up, but the truth is the breakthrough you’re looking for is right around the corner. Listen in this week as Coach Kat shows you how the it’s-not-working mentality might be showing up for you, and why you shouldn’t give up at this point. Hear why the work you’re currently doing isn’t going to waste, even if it feels like it, and how we know that the magic of change is inevitable if you don’t give up on yourself. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/ask-a-coach-the-its-not-working-mentality

This week’s Ask a Coach question is one many of you can probably relate to: “Does the shame I feel after slipping up and viewing porn ever really go away?” While we can learn to move through shame in different and more useful ways, I don’t know that it’s possible to completely get rid of it. The good news is that while shame will continue to show up for us, what we can do is start developing shame-resilience. Coach Jessica Farmer is here this week to shed light on what it means to become shame-resilient and how to start practicing this skill. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/ask-a-coach-become-shame-resilient

A common theme we see frequently in our Ask a Coach feature revolves around our Learn and Move On worksheet. Clients fill in their Learn and Move On before sending it in for feedback, and because it’s such a vital part of our process, Coach Kat is here to share five ways you can make it more beneficial to you. Learn five practical tips for making the most of our Learn and Move On worksheet. Coach Kat is sharing how you can use it to collect data, get more precise about what’s going on for you, and even use it in conjunction with other milestones to find information you hadn’t seen before. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/ask-a-coach-learn-and-move-on-worksheet

We’re diving straight into listener questions for a special Q&A on healthy sexuality. We tackle a variety of thought-provoking questions, from a listener who feels disconnected from his sexuality and believes it's controlled by his spouse to concerns about whether masturbation causes erectile dysfunction. Plus, we hear from someone who has overcome shame about masturbation but now worries about discussing changes in her body with a future spouse. Learn how to approach sensitive conversations about body image, understand the real effects of pornography on sexual health, and discover ways to foster a healthier, more confident relationship with your sexuality. Whether you're dealing with personal challenges or looking for deeper insights, this episode is packed with valuable advice and compassionate guidance. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/pornography-sexual-health-sexuality

If you've been working on quitting porn for a long time but still keep viewing pornography, you might be asking, "What if there really is something wrong with me?" There are a few things we need to unpack in order to answer this question in a productive way. So if you have been trying to quit but you're still turning to pornography, and you're starting to worry that something really is wrong with you, this episode is for you. Discover how the sentence, "There's something wrong with me…" is actually stopping you from making progress. This is a limiting belief that keeps you stuck, and you'll learn how to replace this limiting, judgmental sentence with something way more useful instead. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/ask-a-coach-seriously-wrong-with-me

I am doing a bonus Q&A episode in a couple of weeks! If you have questions about previous episodes around healthy sexuality, porn panic, masturbation, healthy, sexuality, etc. send them to support@sarabrewer.com and we will answer them in this upcoming episode!

“What do I do with unwanted thoughts and images that come into my mind?” This is the Ask a Coach question being addressed on the podcast today. Join Coach Kat as she walks you through the CTFAR model and how to use it in relation to this question, why having unwanted thoughts or images isn’t a problem, and a new way to think about them on purpose without any judgment or shame. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/ask-a-coach-unwanted-thoughts-images

Porn use and masturbation often go hand-in-hand, and in this episode, we’re diving deep into the research on masturbation to help you release your distress and feel empowered instead. While there continues to be so much misinformation about masturbation, there is no evidence of it causing negative health effects, so why do we still believe it’s harmful? Learn about the worries people experience about masturbation, and why it’s actually a completely normal part of healthy development. I’m exploring how extreme distress can cause sexual trauma, why the shame around masturbation is learned and unhealthy, and the damaging effects of sexual shame. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.centerforovercomingpornography.com/blog/masturbation