Save the Date – by CMB
About this podcast
"Save the Date," a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Join Dawoon Kang, our host and chief dating officer, as she sits down with guest experts to explore what it takes to go on great dates and ultimately find a serious relationship.
About this podcast
"Save the Date," a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Join Dawoon Kang, our host and chief dating officer, as she sits down with guest experts to explore what it takes to go on great dates and ultimately find a serious relationship.
Save the Date – by CMB
#17 – How does race impact dating and relationships? | Damona Hoffman
I am really excited to have an amazing dating coach with me here today. Damona is not only a renowned dating coach who regularly shares her dating expertise on media outlets like the LA Times, the Washington Post, and the Drew Barrymore Show. She also has an amazing podcast as well, which is now just celebrated its 350th episode. One thing that I think is very unique about her, compared to other dating coaches that I've interviewed, is that she has spoken extensively about race and dating. Damona grew up in a family of interracial marriage; a white Jewish father and African American mother, who also have different religious backgrounds. This is a topic that influenced and shaped her. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. In each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
#16 Ditch those bad dating habits | Evan Marc Katz
Today I'm joined by author, podcast host, and dating coach Evan Marc Katz, who focuses his expertise on how to help strong, successful women find a lasting relationship that fits them best. Alexa, play “Single Ladies” and let’s get into it. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. In each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
#15 – Why money matters in a relationship | Anna Sale
Today, I'm really honored to have Anna Sale, creator of the hit podcast from WNYC Studios called “Death, Sex & Money,” with me here today. In her podcast as well as her new book, “Let's Talk About Hard Things,” she dives deeply into subjects that are really hard to talk about, but we need to be talking about more: death, sex, money, family, and identity. http://coffeemeetsbagel.com
#14 – Let’s talk about sex, CMB | Shadeen Francis
Today, I am so excited to have the perfect expert to tackle the subject of sex. Sex is a really exciting subject, but it's also sensitive and it makes us feel nervous. It definitely makes me feel nervous. And especially when we're trying to broach the subject for the first time to our dates that makes it really, really difficult. If I'm honest, I was never good at it when I was dating and even now, I've been in a relationship for a few years with my partner, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about sex with my partner. So that is why I am so excited to have Shadeen Francis here with me today to help us learn how we can approach the topic of sex with confidence and comfort. Shadeen Francis is a licensed psychotherapist, media personality graduate professor, and author whose expertise spans the domain of sex therapy, emotional intelligence, and social justice. She has been featured on many platforms like ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, and the New York Times to share her unique perspective.
#13 – Attachment styles and your dating life | Dr. Morgan Anderson
Today I’m joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let's Get Vulnerable” podcast. I love that: let's get vulnerable. Today, we’re not only going to talk about attachment styles, we're going to dig into how your attachment style could be making or breaking your dating life. When I first learned about this concept of attachment style, I was like: “Oh my god, this explains everything about my dating life!”
#12 – Moving from dating apps to meeting IRL | Dateable’s Yue Xu & Julie Krafchick
Today’s interview features two dating coaches turned dating sociologists, Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick. Yue and Julie are the hosts of Dateable, one of the top podcasts about dating, love, and sex. Even though we’ve been at it for a little while, we’re all still figuring out how to date during COVID-19. Since dating apps are a safe and convenient way to meet people, I thought it would be awesome if we could help our daters become better at moving from the dating app to meeting in real life. I know, a lot of us find it tricky. But that’s why we cover a lot of practical tips to help you out, from texting to video chats, and dig into why now is actually a pretty great time to be dating.
#11 – Stop sabotaging your relationships, OK? | Lori Gottlieb
We all know what we want in our dating life: to be in a great relationship. But what is stopping us from having that? Well, there could be a lot of factors but a major one could actually be us getting in our own way. I'm really excited to have today's expert help us understand how we can stop sabotaging our own happiness when it comes to dating. Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and author of not one but two New York Times bestselling books: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which is currently being adapted as a TV series, and Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. In addition to being an author in a clinical practice, she writes the Atlantic's weekly Dear Therapist advice column, and she's also the co-host of the new hit podcast, Dear Therapist, which I love listening to myself, and is produced by Katie Couric. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: Why do we go after the unavailable type [1:39] Idiot Compassion vs. Wise Compassion [5:10] Do you need to settle to be in a happy relationship? [10:02] Why spark AND compatibility is important [14:41] How we learn about ourselves in relationship in our 20s [21:05] How Lori got over a painful breakup with the help of her therapist [26:29] The ways in which we keep ourselves in a prison [29:43] Should you ever compromise on core values? [35:32] Tips for dating after 40 years old [41:51] How to start trusting again after a heartbreak [43:09] The best dating advice Lori has ever received [45:10] RESOURCES: Lori’s website - https://lorigottlieb.com/ Lori’s books - https://www.amazon.com/Lori-Gottlieb/e/B001IOBJ66%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share Lori’s articles in The Atlantic - https://www.theatlantic.com/author/lori-gottlieb/ Lori’s Instagram profile - https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/?hl=en Lori’s TED talk - https://www.ted.com/talks/lori_gottlieb_how_changing_your_story_can_change_your_life?language=en Lori’s podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-therapists/id1523340696 QUOTES: “Sometimes we are our own jailers. Situation, circumstance, and stories make us think we're unlovable and keep us imprisoned when we can walk around those bars and create our own story.” “We blame it on the availability of the significant other we're looking for if we can't find them. In reality, we may sabotage ourselves by going after people who aren't right for us.” “We marry our unfinished business. When you're dating, it's important to know what business needs to get finished so you can pursue people who can provide the relationship you want.” “Idiot Compassion is when we think we're being supportive by hearing a friend's story about a bad date or boyfriend and saying, ‘They're terrible. You were right, they were wrong.’” “Wise compassion is what a therapist does. We hold up a mirror to you and help you to see something about yourself that maybe you haven't been willing or able to see.” “I think that spark is really important. But I think that what you're looking for is spark and compatibility. I think when people feel spark, they forget about compatibility.” “When we are heartbroken, we think we miss the other person. In actuality, we miss being in a great relationship, things like the inside jokes, sharing the minutiae of our day, etc.” “There's healthy chemistry, where you're drawn to somebody for healthy reasons and unhealthy chemistry, where you're immediately drawn to somebody because of unfinished business.” “I think that we forget that the dating experience is different from the married experience.” “It doesn't help anybody to stay in a relationship that ultimately can't work because you're not willing to talk about what's important to you in life.”
#10 –Blind spots in your dating life | Gary Lewandowski
One of the first things I realized when I started studying the science of dating and relationships is that a lot of the rules I’d picked up along the way are complete BS. For example, guys love the chase so I need to play games. Or if we don’t have chemistry right away, it’s never going to happen. And I got so mad when I found out the actual truth because I had spent so much time and energy trying to abide by these dating rules that really led me astray. So I'm really excited to have today's guest, Dr. Gary Lewandowski, here to talk about his brand new book “Stronger Than You Think.” In his book, he goes through the top 10 most common dating myths — or blind spots, as he calls them – that could undermine relationships. We'll talk about how to see past your blind spots, so you don't have to learn the hard way like I did. Gary's work has been featured by numerous publications, including Time, The New York Times, CNN, and NPR — and his TED Talk “How to Get Over A Breakup” has been viewed nearly 2 million times! This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: What are the most common blindspots [1:36] Men and women are just different: true or false [4:56] What does it mean that men have more power [8:30] Why is it harmful to have gender stereotypes [12:18] What role does physical attraction play in dating [21:59] If we’re not having a lot of sex, we’re not in love: true or false [23:22] Coping strategies when going through a breakup [31:46] When to break up and when you’re being too picky [35:02] Single mothers get slim pickings when dating again: true or false [43:52] RESOURCES: Gary’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/Stronger-Than-You-Think-Relationship/dp/0316454710 Gary’s TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw2qD87KDHc&list=PLauLrfUOO2qgtLWbBbTUN2tMr1fLHp2XS&index=48 QUOTES: “Does your partner pass the best friend test? If they do, you're in really good shape. If they don't, you have something very clear to work on.” “We have this idea sometimes where there's chemistry, or there's not. We look at it as an either-or thing. But, it's not how you start. It’s more about how you finish.” “When people think that their breakup is going to leave them broken, they put it off, it keeps us in relationships longer than we should, particularly ones that aren't very fulfilling.” “There are so many things that we're afraid to talk about. But the success of relationships relies on open communication. It sets a foundation for open and honest communication going forward.” “We put way too much emphasis on attraction. And really, it's a dying industry. You're putting a lot of faith in something that's not likely sustainable.” “Rather than more sex being this great sign, in many ways, it's a warning sign. It becomes less about the amount of the sex you're having and more the quality, not quantity that matters.” “We can focus too much on all the good things that we're feeling, putting too much emphasis on looks, and passionate love and sex, which encourages us to overlook the small things.” “Better data leads to better decisions. The best possible thing you can do is to become more informed about all of the relationship processes.” “The person who has less interest or less need for the relationship has more power. If you have less interest in the relationship, you're more willing and able to leave.” “You're getting less and less attractive over time. So, if you're really banking on that aspect of your partner, you're putting a lot of faith in something that's not likely sustainable.”
#9 – Make your dating profile stand out | Alexis Germany
#9 – How do pick the right photos and words for my profile? | Alexis Germany For the first episode of 2021, I'm really excited to have a publicist turned dating and confidence coach, Alexis Germany, here with me. I first came across Alexis on Bustles’ article called 14 TikTok Dating Coaches Who Are Here To Save Your Love Life. I love that title. And in the article, Alexis gave her 60,000 Twitter followers very specific and actionable tips on how to make the most out of their dating profiles. I certainly have been stuck not knowing what to write or what photos to pick on my own CMB profile. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had that experience. So for the new year, for those of us who are giving another go on our dating life, I wanted to have Alexis here to give you all the tips that you need to set up your CMB profile for success. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: How a publicist becomes a dating coach [1:10] The top three common mistakes Alexis sees in her client’s dating profiles [1:47] Alexis’ favorite advice to give her clients [4:45] Why the order of your photos matters [6:42] A few simple ways to get more, high-quality photos for your profile [7:35] An introduction to profile reviews [10:43] Profile review #1: Andrea [12:37] Profile review #2: Edgar [23:43] Profile review #3: Miss Anonymous [34:25] Profile review #4: Samian [42:05] The best dating advice Alexis ever received [52:07] RESOURCES: The YouTube video where you can see the profile reviews: https://youtu.be/uIzLZhg4h7U The Bustle’s article that mentions Alexis, 14 TikTok Dating Coaches Who Are Here To Save Your Love Life: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/tiktok-dating-coaches Alexis’ company: https://www.alexisgermany.com/about Alexis’ Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/lexinlalaland/ Alexis’ TikTok channel: https://vm.tiktok.com/JRVLBsm/ Alexis’ YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdsrMYcg29iqTJZUFehK8zg QUOTES: “After you write your profile, if it could describe you, your sister, your best friend, and your coworker, then it's not unique enough. It's time to add in some unique flavor.” “We want to be using photos that are less than a year old and we all have access to the technology to make sure that we can do that.” “When building your profile, remember that you're investing in your romantic life. Put your best foot forward because that's going to help you yield the best results.” “We all learn we grow, we become better people - but at our core, we know what we need, we know what our needs are and how they need to be met.” “The top three profile mistakes are 1) a blank profile relying on photos alone, 2) not using good quality photos, and 3) having lots of errors, writing too much, or being too vague.” “Ask a friend of the opposite sex to look at your profile, and don't be hurt when they tell you their honest opinion of it.” “But anybody should be able to see five photos of you, they can see five photos of you, then once you move to texting, they should not be asking you, ‘send me a pic.’ like No, you've seen five photos, if you don't like those five photos, you're not gonna like me physically.”
#8 – Build your decision-making confidence | Lisa Bilyeu
Today's episode features my dream guest, Lisa Bilyeu. She is the co-founder and president of Impact Theory, a digital media production company focused on empowering content. She's also the co-founder of the billion-dollar health and nutrition brand, Quest Nutrition. What's amazing is that she co-founded these two hugely successful companies with her husband, Tom Bilyeu. Tom and Lisa are truly my relationship role models. And if you want to learn how they created and continue to maintain an amazingly juicy relationship for 15 plus years (while building an empire together!) so that you can go and create that for your own lives, please tune in. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: What dating was like before Lisa met Tom [1:05] Why a checklist would have prevented Lisa from meeting Tom [6:43] Checklists vs. non-negotiables [12:20] How to decide that “I don’t need to explore more before committing” [14:01] Staying true to what your body is telling you [19:32] How to build “come and get me” confidence [28:51] Deciding not to have kids [38:11] How to not get emotionally attached to someone too quickly [48:59] How to stay connected to a partner when they’re triggered [52:57] RESOURCES: Lisa Bilyeu’s company, Impact Theory Lisa’s first company, Quest Nutrition Lisa Bilyeu’s Instagram QUOTES: “I think finding a partner that can communicate, that thinks like you. So, Tom and I, it's not like we always agree. We are polar opposites on some things. But one thing that we do agree on is: our relationship is the priority. And communication, no matter how hard it is to say something to someone, we both agreed that saying the hard thing is a must in our relationship.“ “I know that you have checkboxes, right? What type of person are you looking for? Right? Had I done that, I never would have met Tom. Because there were certain things where I was like: ‘Oh, yeah, a guy's got to care about his looks, a guy’s got to care about his clothes, a guy’s got to care about his car.’ And then I meet Tom; he doesn't care about his clothes, he doesn't care about his car, he barely doesn't...like, total opposite.” “So I'm just going to be completely me. And I'd never done that before. On past dates, I was trying to win – win the job, right? And instead of trying to win the job, now my mindset is: let them try and win you. You be you. And then see if there's great electricity. And that's what happened with Tom. I wasn't trying to win him. I wasn't trying to be someone, or put any pressure on: is this going to be my husband?” “Saying you've crossed paths with your one and only is not as powerful as saying, ‘There are 7 billion people out there – I can keep looking, but I choose you.’” “See how people handle trust. Tell them a little secret. Then when you're in a big argument, do they use it against you? That tells you who they are as a human being.” “I have noticed a lot of people hold on to a phase of their relationship, and because that phase is over, they start to think, ‘Well, is there something wrong with my relationship?’” “Don't listen to someone saying ‘sorry.’ Watch their actions after the fact.”
#7 – The secrets of a real-life matchmaker | Violet Lim
Have you ever felt curious about how matchmakers actually make matches? How do they know who their clients will be attracted to, or who they will be compatible with? In today's episode, I interviewed 15-year veteran matchmaker Violet Lim to learn the secret to matchmaking so you can apply all of her lessons to your own dating life. Violet is the Co-Founder and Chief Cupid at a premier matchmaking company, Lunch Actually Group. She was the first Asian to be certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York City, where she now sits on their board. She's also the Executive Director and the Principal Trainer at the Matchmaking Institute of Southeast Asia where she trains matchmakers and aspiring matchmakers from all around the world. This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: An overview of Violet’s background [0:26] How Violet decided to become a matchmaker [1:14] How does actual matchmaking compare to the movies [3:40] What is the art and science of matchmaking [6:44] What role does attraction play in compatibility [12:00] What role does mutual interest and values play in a relationship [16:42] Do mutual values also mean mutual trust [20:46] How to handle the check-in conversation [26:47] If your date is unsure, should you give it more time [35:37] What are good first messages that tend to get good responses [40:34] The best (and worst) dating advice Violet has received [43:27] RESOURCES: Violet Lim’s Company, Lunch Actually Group Violet Lim’s Instagram QUOTES: “It's nice to have common interests, but it's not going to make or break a relationship.” [23:18] “Building trust and respect takes time. And from what we have seen so far, it usually takes between five to seven dates.” [28:03] “Are you comfortable having the 'check-in' conversation with the other person? If you are not comfortable to even broach this subject, that could be a red flag.” [32:32] “If you're in the right relationship with the right person, that person would be very invested in your emotions and wants to make you happy and see you smile.” [37:40] “You need to make your intentions clear at some point. If the other person's intentions are totally different than yours, then you need to ascertain at that point, ‘What do I want?’” [38:40] “As much as we love the other person and we want to support their dreams, goals, and aspirations – it's more important that we love ourselves more.” [40:02] “When dating, be the best version of yourself – just like when you go on a job interview. Prepare and put your best foot forward.” [48:38] “My best advice for singles would be two things: one is having the right mindset, and two is having a positive attitude.” [50:32] “Nobody wants to go on a date with someone who complains about everything under the sun. The worst thing that you can do on a date is to complain.” [50:35]
#6 – Get better at asking the tough questions | Jenna Card
“How do I ask if my date is still using dating apps?”...“How do I ask if they want to do a video chat instead of texting?”...“How do I ask if they want to make things official?” These are some of the most common questions I get from Coffee Meets Bagel Daters. Basically: I want to know X, Y, Z about my date but I don’t know how to communicate it. Why is it so hard for us to ask these kinds of questions, especially considering how badly we want an answer? Well, for me, when I was dating.. I didn’t want my date to think that I liked them too much, or I’m needy, or god forbid, think I’m some kind of weirdo... Whatever the reason – communicating with people we are just starting to get to know is HARD. Well, today I’m here to share with you my little secret. Several years ago, I discovered a tool called Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and it completely transformed how I communicate not only with my date, but with everyone in my life. I was no longer holding back what I wanted to say out of fear of rejection. My dates started commenting on how refreshingly different I was from other people they’ve dated. Dating has felt so different since then. Today I am so excited to have my own teacher Jenna Card here to train all of us on this concept of NVC. She is a certified NVC trainer with 25 years of teaching experience. She excels at facilitating heart-centered connection. She helps businesses, communities, and individuals create more effective and fulfilling relationships through NVC. This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: What is Non-Violent Communication? [5:18] Confidence is attractive [11:15] Letting go of assumptions in communication [15:28] Taking people at face value in a relationship [20:18] What can I do to create a connection in this moment? [37:15] How to navigate when communication gets sticky [47:08] QUOTES: “If I can self-connect and know what's happening inside myself and be aware of what I want to create in this exchange, my way of being changes. How I interact with people changes.” [6:16] “We talk about wanting to be confident, and confidence is attractive. I think that confidence is a sense of groundedness in yourself, a sense of assuredness in yourself.” [11:05] “When you can let go of assuming anything about anyone else and just be curious, you will transform your connection with people.” [15:28] “My internal phrase is ‘Thank you for taking care of yourself,’ when I hear someone's no – and that helps me feel less defensive about a no.” [24:10] “Ask for what you want. No one is going to know what you want unless you're able to ask for it. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.” [51:52]
#5 – A guide to being single during the holidays | Dr. Mariel Buquè
Dating around the holiday season and the end of the year can be stressful. What do we say to well-intentioned friends and family who jab at us with questions like “Why are you still single?” or “Are you dating anyone?” And with cold weather, we now have to manage spending more time at home alone. Learn how to navigate dating this holiday season with peace, joy, and confidence from renowned mental health professional Dr. Mariel Buque. This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: An overview of Mariel’s background [1:27] Dating during the holidays [3:31] Coping with difficult emotions around the holiday [5:00] Anticipating questions about dating from friends and families around the holiday [7:15] A simple way to deal with holiday anxiety [12:13] Specific breathing techniques listeners can start using today [18:27] The science behind why breathing techniques are effective [21:48] How to deal with loneliness and isolation during the holidays [25:26] When is the right time to tell a date about depression or mental health conditions [33:16] How to be supportive of a date who is struggling [36:31] The best dating advice Mariel has ever received [42:03] RESOURCES: https://www.drmarielbuque.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr.marielbuque/ QUOTES: “It's really important to take a moment for yourself to engage in some self-reflection. Potentially engage in some journaling about what this season feels like for you.” [9:50] “Tap into yourself, reflect upon what you want to say, recite it, and then when the opportunity comes, you can more calmly say: ‘I'm choosing to focus on myself right now.’” [12:04] “If you can't be a good friend to yourself, then how can you be a good friend to a partner?” [33:13] “It's so much more rewarding when you can step into a relationship already feeling full and the person just complements you.” [39:40] “Long breaks are really healthy. It offers you an opportunity to reflect on what you've learned in that situation – how did you evolve within it?” [46:25] “No matter what situation you go into, you are worthy.” [51:41]
#4 - A relationship should fit your needs | Eli Finkel
In the last episode, we touched on beginning with an end in mind. If you want to meet a great partner and find a great relationship, it’s a lot easier to navigate there if you have a clear picture of what that should look like for you. What I’m especially excited for all of you daters out there - once you have a clear picture, you are in a position to be able to start from a BLANK slate - you are not stuck with anyone right now - you can just go out and create whatever kind relationship you want to create from scratch - which personally I think is so much easier than trying to fix a broken relationship that’s not working, I have been in several so I know how excruciatingly frustrating that can be. That’s why I’m really excited to have today’s guest help you understand what research has uncovered about what a great relationship should look and feel like so you can go and start creating that. Eli Finkel is the author of the NYT best-selling book The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work where he researched all aspects of marriages and uncovered what makes a modern long-term relationship work and how you can get there. He is also the Director of Relationships and Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, where he published over 150 scientific papers on love and relationship and is a contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times. The Economist has identified him as "one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.” This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: Getting stuck our expectations and what we’re investing [6:41] Shooting for exquisite [9:16] Fulfilling self-actualization in your relationship i [12:26] An essential component of true intimacy [22:37] The importance of self-discovery [32:32] Compatibility is important but so is self-work [36:33] Getting in the right headspace for a date [49:57] Orient towards saying “yes” when you’re on the fence [57:04] QUOTES: “How well do you even know who you are? There's a lot to be said for taking some time for some serious self-discovery to get a sense of who you are.” [32:42] “I don't want to say dating is a numbers game because it sounds too cynical. But I think an orientation toward saying ‘yes’ in cases where you're on the fence is a good idea.” [57:04] “Compatibility is a real thing, but a hell of a lot of how to build a good relationship is working on ourselves and working on the relationship.” [36:33] “Shooting for exquisite is great because it puts exquisite within reach.” [9:16] “Essential to true intimacy is that I've handed you my love and heart and vulnerability. We are going to hold each other's hearts and be gentle and tender with them.” [22:37] “If you could do something that you would enjoy doing, even if there's no connection, that's a good headspace to go into the date with because it keeps expectations in check.“ [49:57]
#3 –What matters most in a relationship? | Amari Ice
One phrase that has helped many people in both their personal and professional lives is: begin with an end in mind. If we don’t know where we want to end up, we are going to meander, get lost, maybe even end up somewhere we thought we wanted to go... but it turns out it wasn’t. Often times in dating, we start dating without having a clear idea of what kind of partner we need or the relationship we want to create – and that can be the cause of a lot of painful dating experiences. Today’s guest, Amari Ice, is the author of the book "Lasting Love at Last: The Gay Guide To Attracting the Relationship of Your Dreams." He is the first gay, black dating coach to be certified as a matchmaker by the Matchmaking Institute and he has coached over 500 daters – with a 75% success rate in terms of finding relationships! In this episode, he provides insights to help listeners improve at the art of figuring out who they should meet and what their end goals should look like. He also answers questions that listeners submitted. This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: Don’t take love so seriously [4:36] Wants vs. Needs [7:36] Aligning Values [19:56] Don’t Fall for Potential [22:13] The 5 Crucial Values [24:42] QUOTES: “We're going to be most attractive, most engaging, most fascinating when we're having fun when we're in that state of childhood, childlike passion.” [5:04] “We often bypass or totally exclude or don't even consider what we actually need from a partner in order to be happy.” [8:09] “A lot of times what we want serves as a barrier to getting what we need from a partner when that doesn't really matter in terms of what's going to make us happy long term.” [8:18] ‘If the values aren't aligned, it doesn't matter if they have any of the other traits because you're going to grow apart eventually anyway.” [20:07] “The person who is going to meet your needs long term has to have the capacity to do that now. Meaning if we look for someone and fall for potential, which many people do, the only way to guarantee that a person has the capacity to meet our needs later is that they have the capacity now, which means they actually have those traits. They don’t just have the potential to have the traits” [21:04] “If you only look at physical traits, you're missing out on whether or not this person can meet your needs.” [22:04] “You've got to ask yourself, why are you attracted to certain types of people? Why do you continue to be attracted to people who you know aren't good for you?” [26:37] “Whenever you have a requirement, ask yourself: ‘Why is this important to me?’ If you can't give yourself a viable answer, usually there's a bias going on you want to unpack.” [30:48] “For long-term relationships the more familiar we are, the more closely our values match, the safer we feel, the more comfortable we're going to be with that partner long term.” [34:14] “You want to see if there's consistency of those traits over time. That's what leads you to the night before the wedding, not wondering if this is the right person.” [39:15]
#2 - Why being vulnerable is your best bet | Natalie Lue
Opening up to someone new is never easy, and we're all guilty of hiding our vulnerable side when it comes to dating. But how to do we drop the act and really practice emotional availability with a partner – and what do we stand to lose if we don't? Natalie Lue, dating expert and author of "Love, Care, Trust & Respect" shares her expertise and personal experiences to help us get to the bottom of it. This is "Save the Date," a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
#1 – Dating hacks to better your love life
You might not think dating advice and medical sales would come up in the same conversation, but Jess McCann has an interesting story to tell. In this episode of Save the Date, the dating coach and author dives into dating hacks developed from her best sales tactics, and how they can immediately change the way you date. This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship. SHOW NOTES: The similarities between sales and dating [2:23] A curse does exist in dating, but it’s not what you think [4:28] Why self-knowledge is critical to dating [6:22] How to shift your mindset around “prospecting” in dating [8:07] Why it’s so important to end a date at the height of impulse [10:04] How the CEE factor and mirroring can relax you on a date [12:58] The difference between playing a game and strategizing [16:18] Why Jessica wrote Cursed [17:53] What it means to be self-absorbed in dating and why this is such a big risk [20:47] While “being present” may be overused today, there are good reasons why it is essential on any date [25:22] Practical next steps to immediately improve your dating prospects [28:25] What to do if the other person isn’t ready for a relationship but seems interested? [30:08] What do you do when the date starts to go bad? [31:20] The best dating advice Jessica has ever received [34:42] Once piece of advice that will help people looking for a long-term relationship right now [35:32] QUOTES: “My team told me I should write a book that takes these sales strategies and teaches daters how to date using them. So I wrote it.” “There's a difference between games and strategy. A strategy is going out with a certain number of people and arming yourself with these techniques so a person can really get to know you.” “If you're seeing a negative pattern in your relationships over and over again, the reason is you have a certain mindset that is sabotaging your love life.” “The purpose of a date is for you to get to know someone and them to get to know you. In order to do that, you both have to be in the present moment - you can't be future focused.” “If you're too self-focused, you can't accurately assess what's going on in the relationship or with the person sitting across from you.” “Being loving is not about doing whatever another person asks. It means responding in a loving way. It means being loving in how you handle anyone in a situation.” “People go on dates and they're more concerned with what sounds good and what the other person is going to want. Focus on who you are and what is important to you.” “You really have to know yourself and what you're looking for. Otherwise, you're going to be tied up into what the other person wants to hear from you, which is not important at all.” “Just be yourself and don't worry if the other person doesn't like you. Just go into everything with good intentions and a good heart and it'll be fine.” “If you're nervous on a date, mirror theory is so helpful because all you have to do is mirror the other person. You don't have to overthink it - your body language will come off just right.” “Remember your CEE Factor: SEE Factor: Smile, Eye Contact, Energy. The other person will feel that positive energy and know that you like them and are excited to meet them.” “End your date at the height of impulse. If you're having a great time on a date and thinking 'I wish this date would never end' - that is the exact point where it should end.”