Kristin Neff, author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself," sheds light on the pivotal shift from cultivating self-esteem to fostering self-compassion in our children, especially through the tumultuous teenage years. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Parenting teenagers is an odyssey filled with highs and lows, during which we often focus on bolstering our kids' self-esteem and ensuring they excel. Yet, emerging research pivots our attention towards the essence of self-compassion, a force equally potent yet profoundly different. We're joined by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the realm of self-compassion. As the author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" and a mother to an autistic teenager, Kristin introduces us to self-compassion not just as a concept, but as a transformative practice. Through her own journey and extensive research, she's unearthed how self-compassion can be a beacon of hope and resilience for parents and teens alike. The Self-Esteem Trap Often, our parenting journey is underscored by a drive to boost our kids' self-esteem. However, an overemphasis on self-esteem can entangle our teens in a web where their worth is contingent on accomplishments, appearance, and external validation. Kristin sets the stage for a conversation on why shifting our focus from self-esteem to self-compassion can lead to healthier, more fulfilling adolescent years. How do we cultivate an environment of self-compassion in the midst of teenage turmoil? Kristin delves into the practical applications of self-compassion, from understanding its components—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—to embracing exercises and strategies that foster an inner sense of unconditional worth. The Ripple Effects of Self-Compassion Drawing from her personal experience with her son, Kristin illustrates the profound impact self-compassion has on parenting. She discusses how embracing our own imperfections as parents and fostering an attitude of kindness and understanding towards ourselves can profoundly influence our children's sense of self-worth, resilience, and overall well-being. In a world where teens grapple with identity, societal pressures, and the quest for belonging, self-compassion emerges as a compass guiding them towards authenticity. Kristin explores how self-compassion empowers teenagers to navigate these challenges with grace, encourages genuine self-exploration, and cultivates a robust, unwavering sense of self-worth that isn’t tethered to accomplishments or external approval. In This Episode... Understanding the distinction between self-esteem and self-compassion. Strategies for integrating self-compassion into daily life and parenting. The transformative power of self-compassion on teenagers’ mental health and self-worth. Practical exercises to foster a self-compassionate mindset in both parents and teens. Join us as we unravel the potential of self-compassion to revolutionize how we parent and empower our teens to lead lives marked by kindness, resilience, and unconditional self-acceptance. Listen to this episode, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into navigating the complexities of raising teenagers with empathy, understanding, and compassion. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Louis Weinstock, author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It," explores toxic communication patterns, the impact of societal pressures on teen mental health, and strategies for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Today's teenagers are navigating an increasingly complex world. With the rise of social media, economic pressures, and an overabundance of information, it's no wonder that parents are seeing an uptick in mental health issues among their teens. From anxiety and depression to learned helplessness, the challenges are myriad, but understanding their root causes is the key to effective parenting in modern times. Joining us on this episode is Louis Weinstock, a therapist, co-founder of the charity *A Part of Me*, and author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It." Louis uses his extensive experience working with troubled kids and teens to discuss the deeper issues affecting our children's mental health and how parents can navigate these challenges to foster resilience, emotional empowerment, and healthier communication. Understanding the Impact of Modern Society on Teens Louis kicks off our conversation by delving into how society's ever-increasing demands and pressures have contributed to a rise in mental health issues among teenagers. He explains the importance of looking beyond labels and diagnoses to understand the root causes of our children's struggles. The first step toward change, Louis suggests, is for adults to do the inner work required to support our children through these tumultuous times. The Power of Emotional Empowerment One of the key themes in our talk with Louis is the concept of emotional empowerment versus resilience. He challenges the traditional notion that teens should simply "power through" adversity, advocating instead for a balance between acknowledging one's emotions and finding constructive ways to manage them. Louis offers insights into how parents can encourage their teenagers to be emotionally empowered, rather than resigned to their circumstances or overly reliant on parental rescue. Redefining Success and Navigating Social Media We also explore the crucial topics of success, social media, and the disconnection from our bodies. Louis presents an alternative view of success that goes beyond competition and material gains, emphasizing the importance of instilling values like kindness and compassion in our children. Additionally, he shares strategies for helping teenagers navigate the complex world of social media and reestablish a healthy connection with their bodies. Practical Exercises and Insights Throughout the episode, Louis shares a variety of practical exercises and strategies for parents and their teens. From defining family values to engaging in meaningful conversations about uncomfortable topics, these tools aim to challenge toxic patterns, encourage critical thinking, and promote a healthier, more balanced lifestyle. In the Episode... Exploring the Drama Triangle and its impact on family dynamics Strategies for breaking the cycle of learned helplessness The importance of unconditional love and slowing down in parenting Practical exercises for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience in teens Recommendations for navigating social media and redefining success Join us for an enlightening discussion full of actionable advice on how to support your teenager through the challenges of modern society. Don't forget to share and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more insightful episodes on the art and science of parenting teenagers. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Tanith Carey, author of What's My Tween Thinking?, returns to discuss the distinct challenges and opportunities of parenting tweens, focusing on identity development, handling changing family dynamics, navigating peer influence, and fostering emotional awareness and introspection in 8 to 12-year-olds. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes As parents, witnessing our child morph from a carefree kid into a tween can sometimes feel like navigating uncharted waters. The tween years, traditionally seen as a quiet phase before the storm of the teenage years, are now understood to be a crucial period of identity development and emotional growth. It's a time when children start to question their place in the world, develop deeper peer relationships, and often begin to seek independence from their families. This week on Talking to Teens, we’re joined by Tanith Carey, a renowned author and educator known for her insightful books on parenting, including the highly-praised What's My Tween Thinking?. Tanith offers her expertise to unravel the complex emotional landscape of tweens and provides practical advice for guiding them through this pivotal stage. Identity Exploration and Peer Influence The tween years are marked by a significant exploration of identity. Tanith explains that as children move through this phase, they start to compare themselves to their peers, which can lead to new insecurities and doubts. The establishment of more defined friendship groups also introduces tweens to the complexities of social hierarchies and conflicts. Tanith stresses the importance of preparing tweens for these experiences by discussing the broader picture, helping them understand the nature of social dynamics and encouraging self-reflection and emotional awareness. Navigating Family Dynamics and Independence As tweens seek more independence, family dynamics can shift dramatically. Tanith shares how parents can manage these changes, from the tween's desire for private space to their evolving way of relating to family members. She emphasizes respect for the tween's growing need for autonomy while maintaining open lines of communication and connection. Tackling Tough Topics and Social Media Influence Tanith and Andy dive into some of the more challenging aspects of parenting tweens, including handling exposure to negative societal messages and navigating the digital landscape. Tanith offers advice on discussing sensitive topics like appearance, peer pressure, and the impact of social media, highlighting the importance of encouraging tweens to critically evaluate the messages they receive and to develop a strong sense of self-awareness. Encouraging Emotional Awareness and Introspection One of the key themes throughout the episode is the importance of fostering emotional awareness and introspection in tweens. Tanith shares strategies for helping tweens tune into their feelings and bodily sensations as a way of understanding their emotions, making healthier choices, and developing resilience. This focus on introspection is particularly vital in an age dominated by digital distractions and societal pressures. In the Episode… Apart from the topics mentioned above, Tanith and Andy also discuss: - The implications of early puberty and the impact on tweens' self-image. - Strategies for encouraging open discussions about difficult topics, including misogyny and consent. - The importance of modeling healthy emotional regulation and empathy. - Ways to support tweens in finding their "spark" or passion. - Techniques for balancing screen time with real-world activities and social interactions. Tanith Carey's work provides invaluable insights into the tween mind, offering practical tips and compassionate guidance for parents navigating these formative years. Her evidence-based approach emphasizes the importance of understanding, communication, and emotional intelligence in fostering healthy development and strong parent-tween relationships. Don’t miss this enlightening conversation on what it means to parent a tween in today's world. Tune in to learn more about how you can support your tween’s journey of self-discovery and emotional growth. Subscribe to the Talking to Teens podcast for more expert advice on the art and science of parenting teenagers. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Uma Naidoo, author of "This Is Your Brain on Food" and "Calm Your Brain with Food," discusses how dietary choices can significantly impact anxiety levels and overall mental wellness, highlighting the critical connections between gut health, inflammation, and the brain. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Raising teenagers is no easy feat, especially when dealing with the complexities of their mental health. In today's fast-paced and stress-filled world, an increasing number of teens are facing anxiety. While therapy and coping strategies are essential tools, there's an often overlooked component that could be contributing significantly to your teenager's anxiety: their diet. Our guest today is Dr. Uma Naidoo, a renowned psychiatrist, nutrition specialist, and author. Dr. Naidoo has made groundbreaking strides in the field of nutritional psychiatry, showcasing the profound effect food has on our mental state, specifically anxiety. Through her work, she uncovers the intricate connections between what we eat, the health of our gut, and how our brain functions. Understanding the Gut-Brain Connection Dr. Naidoo takes us through the fascinating gut-brain axis, explaining how these two seemingly disconnected body parts communicate through neurotransmitters and hormones. Foods with high glycemic loads, artificial sweeteners, and certain fats can cause inflammation not only in our bodies but also in our brains, exacerbating anxiety and other mental health issues. Nourishment for Mental Health Transitioning to healthier eating habits can seem daunting, but Dr. Naidoo provides practical advice and easy-to-follow steps for gradually making these changes. Focusing on whole, unprocessed foods rich in fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and magnesium can have a positive impact on mental well-being. She also warns against the overconsumption of caffeine and the importance of avoiding foods that can interfere with medications prescribed for mental health conditions like ADHD. Nutritional Psychiatry at Home For parents, implementing Dr. Naidoo's advice means taking a more active role in food choices at home. She offers suggestions for incorporating more nutrient-dense foods into family meals and explains how simple swaps can lead to significant improvements in a teenager's mood and anxiety levels. In this episode, we also cover additional topics, including: - The effects of sugar and processed foods on mental health - Simple dietary adjustments to combat stress and anxiety - How certain foods can impact sleep quality - The relationship between diet and cognitive functions Dr. Naidoo's unique perspective on nutritional psychiatry provides a fresh outlook on managing anxiety through diet. It's a reminder that sometimes, the best medicine comes not from a prescription bottle, but from our own kitchens. If you're intrigued by the powerful connection between what we eat and how we feel, make sure to subscribe to Talking to Teens and look into Dr. Naidoo's work for more insights into harnessing the power of food to foster better mental health in your family. Listen to this enlightening conversation and start making those small, yet impactful changes in your and your teenager's diet today. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Tiffany Jewell, author of Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School, joins us to expose the myriad ways racism is embedded in the education system. We discuss the opportunity gap, biased disciplinary practices, problematic tracking, predatory military recruitment, and more - and what teens and parents can do about it. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Today's teens are facing unprecedented challenges - from pandemic recovery to economic uncertainty to navigating an increasingly complex digital world. But one of the most pervasive and overlooked issues affecting young people is the systemic racism baked into the very institutions meant to uplift and empower them - our schools. Students of color are more than twice as likely to be suspended or expelled. They're underrepresented in advanced classes and overrepresented in special education programs. Their schools are more heavily policed and their lockers more frequently searched. The curriculum largely sidelines their histories and the works of authors who look like them. How can we as parents, educators and advocates ensure that the school system is providing an equitable education and environment for all students? To unpack this crucial question, we're joined by Tiffany Jewell, anti-bias anti-racist educator and author of the new book Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School. In our conversation, Tiffany sheds light on the often subtle ways racism manifests in schools, and provides actionable guidance for teens and parents to question the status quo and advocate for change. The Opportunity Gap Rather than an "achievement gap," Tiffany argues what we're really seeing is an opportunity gap. Schools serving predominantly students of color are chronically under-resourced, understaffed, and overcrowded. Low expectations and biased perceptions from teachers limit students' potential. The result is a self-perpetuating cycle of inequity. Tiffany explains how parents can reframe the conversation around student success and advocate for more equitable allocation of resources and opportunities. She also shares tips for empowering teens to recognize and call out unfairness when they see it. Discriminatory Discipline Black students are four times more likely to face suspension than their White peers, often for minor infractions like "disrespect" or "defiance" that go unpunished for other students. Meanwhile, schools with majority students of color are far more likely to employ invasive tactics like suspicionless searches. Tiffany unpacks the biases and power dynamics driving these disparities, and offers strategies for parents to protect their teens' rights and dignity in disciplinary situations. She also discusses the importance of restorative justice models that address root causes of behavior rather than criminalizing students. Predatory Recruitment Military recruiters aggressively target low-income schools and students of color, capitalizing on the lack of opportunity in these communities. Federal law requires "failing" schools to turn over student contact info to recruiters, who use coercive tactics to enlist teens with few other options. Tiffany shares eye-opening data on the military recruitment machine and its exploitation of the opportunity gap. She advises parents on how to opt out of recruiter contact lists and encourages teens to critically examine the risks and realities of military service. Curriculum & Representation From history to literature to STEM fields, the standard curriculum is overwhelmingly White and male. Students of color rarely see themselves reflected, and are implicitly told their stories and contributions are less important. Tiffany calls on parents and students to demand more representative, culturally-responsive content in every subject. She shares tips for supplementing classroom learning with diverse perspectives at home. Even small acts, like recommending a great book by an author of color to a teacher, can make a difference. Throughout our discussion, Tiffany emphasizes the power of an individual to question the status quo and gradually shift the system. As she puts it: "School could be a place that is so joyful and empowering...I know we can do better. Let's keep [our children's] amazingness and encourage them to continue being amazing." From practical advocacy strategies to empowering pep talks, this episode is full of wisdom and inspiration for anyone who believes in building a more just and equitable future for all students. Additional topics include: The myth of the "good" school and how it upholds segregation Recognizing and rejecting tone-policing and respectability politics Modeling allyship and using privilege to uplift others Rebuilding a school system that honors all students' brilliance For more from Tiffany, visit her website tiffanymjewell.com or follow her on Instagram @tiffanymjewell. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Chelsey Goodan, author of Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, shares invaluable insights into empowering teenage girls through listening, validating their emotions, and encouraging a broader sense of self beyond societal expectations, while also addressing body image, feminism, and the struggles teens face today. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Raising teenage girls often feels like navigating a minefield of societal pressures, emotional upheaval, and misunderstood conversations. Parents strive to empower their daughters but find themselves grappling with how to breach topics on body image, confidence, feminism, and independence without exacerbating the situation. Today, more than ever, teenage girls are facing unprecedented challenges, from the pressures of social media to confronting traditional gender roles, leaving parents questioning how they can support their daughters through these tumultuous years. Our esteemed guest, Chelsey Goodan, brings a wealth of experience and insights to this conversation. With 17 years under her belt as an academic tutor and mentor for teenage girls, Chelsey has also lent her expertise as the mentorship director of the non-profit DemocraShe and the founder of the Activist Cartel. Her book, *Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls*, unveils the untapped potential and profound insights of teenage girls, urging us to listen more and to foster meaningful conversations that validate and empower. The Power of Validation and Listening Chelsey emphasizes the importance of allowing teenage girls to express their feelings without hurriedly offering solutions or dismissing their emotions. By simply validating their experiences and emotions, we can help them process their feelings healthily, building a foundation of trust and open communication. Chelsey provides practical insights into "holding space" for these conversations, demonstrating how we can encourage girls to find their solutions and gain confidence in their decision-making abilities. Breaking Cycles and Expanding Identity Through Chelsey’s stories and examples, we learn how to break the cycles of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and negative self-talk. Chelsey discusses expanding a girl’s sense of identity beyond academic achievements or singular interests, urging a multifaceted self-view that fosters resilience and inner strength. Encouraging exploration and supporting their passions can lead to a more balanced and fulfilled sense of self. Tackling Tough Topics with Radical Honesty From discussing feminism to confronting the unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by the media, Chelsey outlines strategies for having radical, honest conversations about the issues that matter most to teenage girls today. She offers advice on how parents can engage in these discussions, not by dictating but by opening up dialogues that respect and value the girl's perspectives and unique voices. Cultivating a Culture of Compliments Chelsey highlights the intricacies of giving meaningful compliments that resonate with teenage girls, illustrating how specificity and authenticity in praise can make them feel seen, heard, and genuinely valued. This approach not only bolsters their self-esteem but also encourages a closer, more understanding relationship between parent and child. In the Episode: - How simple acts of listening and validating can transform your relationship with your teenage daughter. - Strategies to break the cycle of people-pleasing and perfectionism. - Approaching difficult conversations around body image, feminism, and identity with openness and curiosity. - The potent effects of detailed and heartfelt compliments. - Plus, Chelsey takes us through how to engage teenage girls in conversations about their interests, even if it’s about figures like Kim Kardashian, to explore deeper topics such as media influence and self-expression. Chelsey's insights serve as a beacon for parents navigating the complexities of raising teenage girls in today's world. Her emphasis on conversation, validation, and empowering girls to find their voice demonstrates the transformative power of understanding and support. Be sure to grab a copy of Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls for more of Chelsey’s invaluable advice. And remember, fostering an environment where teenage girls feel empowered, valued, and understood can make all the difference in their journey to adulthood. Listen to the episode for a deep dive into empowering teenage girls and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on connecting with the teenagers in your life. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Sheila Liming, author of Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, explores the underestimated value of unstructured social time for teens, discussing why it's essential for developing negotiation skills, setting boundaries, and fostering creativity. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes: In today's fast-paced world, parents often worry about their teenagers' productivity and safety. The idea of teens "just hanging out" can induce anxiety, conjuring images of wasted time or potential mischief. Yet, these unstructured moments play a critical role in adolescents' development, offering unique opportunities for learning and growth unattainable in more structured settings. Our guest, Sheila Liming, brings a fresh perspective on the art of hanging out. An accomplished teacher, essayist, and author, Sheila has extensively explored the complex dynamics of social interactions and their impact on individual development. Her book, Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, challenges prevailing notions of productivity, suggesting that these seemingly idle moments are foundational to shaping character and interpersonal skills. The Value of Unstructured Time Sheila argues that hanging out offers teens essential lessons in negotiation, boundary setting, and improvisation. Away from adult supervision and structured activities, teens learn to navigate social dynamics, make collective decisions, and, crucially, understand their own limits. This episode delves into why fostering these skills is crucial for their transition into adulthood. Overcoming the Stigma of Idle Time The common view of idle time as inherently unproductive overlooks its potential to strengthen relationships and community bonds. Sheila and host Andy Earle discuss how parents can reframe their understanding of what it means for teens to spend time together without a set agenda. They touch on the historical context of hanging out and how digital interactions compare with face-to-face gatherings. Embracing Risk and Flexibility One of Sheila's key messages is the importance of embracing risk and being open to the unpredictable nature of social interactions. For teens, navigating this uncertainty is vital for emotional development. The conversation covers practical ways for parents to encourage their teens to engage in healthy social experimentation while maintaining safety and trust. Making Time for Connection In our busy lives, making room for genuine connections can be challenging. Sheila shares insights into why dedicating time to hang out—both for teens and adults—is more crucial than ever. She offers tips on how parents can model healthy social behavior and create opportunities for meaningful family interactions. Episode Highlights The misunderstood benefits of unstructured teen hangouts How hanging out fosters critical life skills Balancing safety with the necessity of risk-taking in social settings Strategies for parents to encourage healthy teen socialization The evolving landscape of hanging out in the digital age Amid a culture obsessed with productivity and screen time, encouraging teens to engage in the simple act of hanging out might seem counterintuitive. Yet, as Sheila Liming articulates, these moments are irreplaceable workshops for life's most valuable lessons. Tune in to learn how to support your teen in making the most of their social opportunities. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation—subscribe to Talking to Teens to stay updated on insightful discussions aimed at making the journey of parenting teens a bit smoother. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

John Coleman, author of The Psychology of the Teenage Brain, joins us to explain why the biology of the adolescent brain leads to risk taking and emotional ups and downs, and how parents can provide support during this temporary period of development. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes The teenage years can feel like an emotional rollercoaster for parents and kids alike. Why does your once sweet child suddenly start acting out and making baffling decisions? What drives them to take risks, rebel against authority figures, and make choices that seem completely irrational? In this week’s episode of Talking to Teens, we’re getting to the root of teenage psychology and behavior with an expert guide. We’re joined by Dr. John Coleman, a clinical psychologist who has spent decades researching adolescent development. He’s the founder of a research center focused on teens and their families, and is the author of the book The Psychology of the Teenage Brain. John explains that the ups and downs of the adolescent years can be explained by major changes happening in the biology of the teenage brain. As Dr. Coleman tells us, the teenage brain actually undergoes its biggest developmental shift since infancy, which shapes teen behavior in profound ways parents often don’t realize. The Teenage Brain: Pruning, Hormones and Development As John explains, there are two major biological processes unfolding in the adolescent brain: pruning and hormonal changes. First, he describes the proliferation of gray matter that happens in late childhood. Gray matter contains neuron cells, creating lots of connections in the brain. But in the teen years, the brain eliminates unused neural connections through a process called pruning. This effectively “shrinks” the brain, reorganizing it to become more efficient. However, this leads teens to feel uncertain and confused. At the same time, John explains that hormone levels are fluctuating more intensely during adolescence than any other life stage. The hormones affecting mood, stress responses, impulsiveness and more vary greatly throughout the day, leaving teens emotionally unstable. This is why an event can make them despair one moment and elated the next. Understanding the changes happening biologically helps parents empathize with teens during this rocky transition, says John. Even though the period is temporary, it shapes how teens think, process information and regulate emotions in the moment. Why Teens Act Without Thinking In our interview, John provides a scientific explanation for why teenagers engage in baffling, risky behavior without considering consequences. As he explains, the brain networks connecting the emotional centers to the prefrontal cortex (the area controlling planning and decision making) are still immature in adolescents. So when intense impulses arise, the thinking part of teens’ brains can’t overcome these urges, leading them to act out without foresight about the outcomes. Helping Teens Develop Healthy Brains The good news is there are things we can do to help teens through this period, says John. Having routines, boundaries and open conversations about emotions helps them regulate their moods and behavior. We discuss how parents can model healthy emotional responses for kids, so they can build skills managing feelings that will serve them in adulthood. John also emphasizes that despite teens’ outward rejection of parents, they still heavily rely on parental support during this challenging developmental window. So staying patiently engaged as a caring guide remains important, even when kids are pulling away to assert their independence. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

David Magee, author of Things Have Changed, joins us to explain today's teen addiction crisis involving social media, potent synthetic drugs and vulnerable mental health. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Teen substance use has drastically changed in recent years. With skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression and addiction, today’s parents are facing new and confusing challenges when trying to help their kids. We used to assume teens mainly struggled with peer pressure around drinking or smoking cigarettes. Now, teens face a host of new pressures tied to social media, a lack of sleep, and easy access to dangerously potent substances. To help parents understand what’s really happening and how we can better communicate with struggling teens, we spoke with David Magee, author of Things Have Changed: What Every Parent and Educator Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis. After losing his son William to an accidental overdose in college, David became an advocate for better understanding teen addiction. He now speaks nationwide to students and parents, and started the William McGee Institute for Student Well Being at Ole Miss. It’s Not The Same Substances Today’s teens aren’t using their parent’s drugs. While past generations struggled with alcohol, cigarettes or weaker strains of marijuana, today’s kids are taking synthetic drugs, often laced with fentanyl, that are exponentially more potent and dangerous, David explains. He describes a current epidemic of fake Adderall pills being sold to high schoolers and college students. The counterfeit pills are never actual Adderall, but instead made of unknown substances designed to be addictive. Almost all contain fentanyl, says David. Kids think they’re buying a familiar drug, but it’s actually much more treacherous. This is just one example of how substances have changed. David explains today’s marijuana can have THC levels of 70-90%, compared to just 4-8% in the 1990s. He says schools are shocked when drug tests come back 6 or 7 times higher than just a few years ago. Social Media Enables Secret Addiction David explains that the majority of illegal transactions happen over social media apps and payment platforms. Kids are finding connections on Instagram and Snapchat, then paying through Venmo or CashApp to stay under the radar. Seeing multiple Venmo payments in and out of a teen’s account every day could signal that something is amiss, says David. He explains that parents needs to understand today’s digital landscape to spot warning signs. Punishment and phone monitoring usually backfires, while asking caring questions can help kids open up. Focus on Feelings, Not Scare Tactics Well-meaning authority figures often take a punitive approach, trying to scare teens away from substances through condemnation. But David explains this usually has the opposite effect, making kids feel ashamed in ways that increase their desire to use. Instead, he suggests leading with empathy, compassion and care. Getting kids the right kind of therapy or counseling is crucial, preferably with someone who specializes in teen addiction. Building teens’ emotional intelligence through ongoing communication within families is key. Above all, David focuses on helping teens cultivate sustainable joy in their lives, not just harping on what they shouldn’t do. He explains that happy, engaged teens are less likely to self-medicate through dangerous substance use. If you found this episode helpful, check out David’s website at davidmcgee.com for more resources. His book provides practical guidance for parents and educators struggling with today’s newly complex issues around teen mental health and addiction. Please subscribe for more content that can help strengthen family relationships during the critical teen years. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Michael Rich, author of The Mediatrician’s Guide, joins us to explain why we must move beyond fear of “screen time” to have more nuanced conversations with teens about finding balance, meaning and ethics in their digital lives. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Teens today have never known a world without smartphones, social media, and round-the-clock internet access. As digital devices become more and more ingrained into every aspect of their lives, it's only natural for parents to worry about the impact all this technology might have. We often hear panicked stories about social media causing depression or video game addiction destroying kids' attention spans. It makes us want to snatch the screens out of teens' hands completely! But is going cold turkey really the best approach? To help parents navigate the digital age, we're talking to Dr. Michael Rich, an expert on kids and media. Dr. Rich is an associate professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and the founder and director of the Clinic for Interactive Media and Internet Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital. He's also the author of a new book called The Mediatrician’s Guide: A Joyful Approach to Raising Healthy, Smart, Kind Kids in a Screen Saturated World. As both a pediatrician and a former filmmaker, Dr. Rich has a unique perspective on why we should move past fear-based thinking when it comes to kids and technology. Rethinking "Screen Time" Trying to simply limit screen time is an outdated way of thinking, says Dr. Rich. Screens are so embedded into every part of life that trying to quantify daily use is irrelevant. Instead of counting minutes spent staring at a device, Dr. Rich encourages intentionality. This means being mindful, balanced and present in how we interact with technology. Dr. Rich coins these practices the “killer B’s.” Being mindful means understanding how device use displaces other activities, while being balanced means taking regular screen breaks. Most importantly, being present while using devices prevents us from missing out on real world connections. Trying to upgrade from texting to calling to in-person interactions is key. Looking Below Problematic Behaviors It’s easy to blame devices themselves for issues like addiction or bullying. However, Dr. Rich explains that problematic digital behaviors are usually symptoms of underlying issues like ADHD, anxiety, depression or autism spectrum disorders. Taking away teens’ access without addressing root causes may make problems worse. Dr. Rich notes that teens often see their devices as tools that help them cope with or avoid difficulties in their lives. Complete removal can heighten their distress. Instead, identifying and properly treating adolescents’ mental health is key to curbing unhealthy digital habits. Fostering Digital Wellness Rather than seeing devices as inherently bad, Dr. Rich focuses on how we can use them for good. Social platforms and interactive games actually have huge potential for building community, creativity and emotional skills. However, teens need guidance on using digital spaces ethically. Dr. Rich encourages parents to model intentional digital wellness and have open conversations about pitfalls like compare/despair thinking or internet rabbit holes. Promoting self-awareness and balance helps teens build healthy lifelong technology habits. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Lance Burdett, author of Dark Side of the Brain, explains why teens generate unhelpful thoughts and how we can reframe anxious thinking by getting comfortable with discomfort. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Raising teenagers can feel like navigating an emotional minefield blindfolded. Their moods swing rapidly from joyful to gloomy, their friendships feel fleeting, and their interests change every five minutes. Meanwhile, the pressure to get good grades, gain college acceptance and determine their entire future weighs heavily on their shoulders. It’s no wonder teens get overwhelmed by this cocktail of hormones, peer pressure and looming adulthood. Their brains are firing on all cylinders, trying desperately to make sense of it all. Often, this neural chaos manifests as worry, anxiety, negative thought patterns and even depression. So how can we help teens move through this rocky passage of life? How can we get them to open up about their mental struggles instead of shutting down? Most importantly, how can we empower them to reframe unhelpful thoughts and take control of their own wellbeing? To gain some perspective, we’re speaking with Lance Burdett, a former police crisis negotiator turned adolescent mental health expert. Lance has worked extensively with teens and parents to help them understand the “Dark Side of the Brain” – the automatic negative thought patterns that often arise during times of stress. In his book Dark Side of the Brain and on today’s episode, Lance is explaining the science behind our brain’s threat detection system that generates needless worry. He’s also revealing why it’s okay for teens to admit they’re not okay – as long as they ask for help afterward. We discuss how parents can model self-care, help teens reframe anxious thoughts and teach kids to get comfortable with discomfort. Why Our Brains Make Sh*t Up The human brain developed mainly to keep our ancestors alive on the African savanna over two million years ago. This means our brains are wired first and foremost for survival, not happiness, Lance explains. When our ancestors encountered threats like predators, adverse weather or lack of resources, their brains kicked into high alert, pumping out adrenaline and cortisol to ready the body for fight or flight. Unfortunately, our modern brains can’t tell the difference between a lion attack and a mean comment on Instagram. So teens often experience an exaggerated stress response to non-life-threatening issues like peer drama or academic pressure. This is why teens frequently catastrophize small problems, assume the worst and spiral into intense worry, Lance says. Their brains are simply acting on evolutionary impulses that once kept humans safe – but now cause needless stress. Understanding the brain’s tendency to “make shit up” can help teens reframe anxious thoughts as just their brains being overprotective. It’s Okay to Say “I’m Not Okay” Parents often tell struggling teens that “it’s okay not to be okay” to encourage them to open up about their troubles. But Lance warns that this mantra can be dangerous if left by itself, as it makes mental distress seem permissible. Instead, he advocates adding a second half – “it’s okay to say I’m not okay...as long as I ask for help afterward.” The most vital step for teens is the help-asking, Lance stresses. Admitting one is not okay is only the first move. What matters next is having teens reach out to friends, family members, counselors or crisis lines to get the support they need. Lance explains that previous generations hid mental health struggles due to stigma. But today’s teens can be more open about feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed or suicidal – on the condition that they let caring adults know they need support. Saying “I’m not okay” is the starting point, not the solution itself. Running Towards Discomfort As parents, we often try to smooth out every bump in the road for our teens to give them comfortable, happy lives. But Lance argues that facing difficulty is how teens build grit and perseverance. He uses the mantra “run toward the fire” to illustrate that teens should challenge themselves and even pursue discomfort - not despite their anxiety, but because of it. Lance encourages parents to step back from constantly intervening on a teen’s behalf with teachers and coaches. By facing problems head-on, teens gain confidence handling difficult situations. Start small by encouraging a shy teen to order their own food at a restaurant, Lance suggests. Taking ownership of tiny challenges gives teens courage to handle bigger hardships down the road. Discomfort also breeds self-awareness, Lance explains. Trying new things pushes teens outside their comfort zones where they can gain insight about their skills, values and preferences. Lance suggests parents promote diverse activities to acquaint teens with unfamiliar peers and experiences. Pushing boundaries expands their worldviews - which leads to personal growth. In the Episode... My conversation with Lance was incredibly eye-opening. On top of the topics above, we also discuss: Why teens desperately need more sleep How to reframe suicidal thoughts Why goals and worry aren’t the enemy How parents can model self-care Check out Lance’s website at lanceburdett.com to learn more! Thanks for listening - be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dustin Dunbar, author of You’re Doing Great and Other Lies Alcohol Told Me, joins us to reveal the false messaging alcohol feeds teens about itself and discusses how parents can model alcohol-free lives to intrinsically give kids the skills to resist drinking culture. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Teenage years come with intense new social pressures – the urge to fit in, make friends, and figure out who you are can feel overwhelming. In the midst of this tumultuous period, teens are confronted with the prevalence of underage drinking all around them. Their peers are doing it, cool kids on social media make it look fun and exciting, and it seems like the “normal” thing to do. As parents, we want to protect our kids not just from the dangers of alcohol itself, but from falling for the many myths alcohol sells – that it’ll make you happier, more fun, more liked and more confident. The reality is, teens need tools and support to handle their insecurities, anxieties and difficult emotions in healthy, constructive ways. This week, we’re talking about how we can empower teenagers to develop self-awareness and stay alcohol-free amidst intense social pressures. We’re joined by Dustin Dunbar, founder of The Alcohol-Free Revolution and author of the book “You’re Doing Great (And Other Lies Alcohol Told Me)”. Dustin grew up surrounded by family members struggling with alcohol addiction. After overcoming his own battle with alcohol, Dustin has devoted himself to smashing the myths and lies alcohol tells young people. He’s here to reveal the tactics Big Alcohol uses to target teens, and explain why drinking culture is declining amongst Gen Z. Why Teens Are Drinking Less Despite the messaging bombarding them every day, today’s teenagers are actually drinking less than past generations. Dustin explains how teens are seeing through the deception inherent in alcohol advertising and social norms. More teens are prioritizing their health and wellbeing over fleeting social acceptance. Dustin reveals the shocking cancer risks of alcohol, and why social media influencers never show the negative consequences the next day. We discuss how parents can prompt critical thinking about the way alcohol is marketed to take advantage of teenagers’ insecurities. Emotional Tools For Handling Anxiety Dustin explains why alcohol is so tempting for anxious teens – it suppresses nervous system functioning, numbing difficult emotions. Without alcohol, teens have to learn to sit with feelings of awkwardness, FOMO, insecurity and more. We discuss tools parents can teach teens to handle emotions healthily, like identifying underlying feelings, de-escalating anger, setting kind boundaries, and expressing needs calmly. Dustin shares how learning these tools transformed his relationships. Modeling Mindful Drinking Research shows parental drinking habits have an enormous influence on teens. Dustin implores parents to seriously evaluate their own drinking and model more consciousness. Substance abuse often masks unresolved trauma – Dustin explains why getting vulnerable and giving up numbing aids can lead to self-discovery. Becoming an Alcohol-Free Role Model As Dustin explains, parents’ own drinking habits can normalize alcohol for impressionable teens. Showing teens an alcohol-free lifestyle demonstrates better coping strategies for stress and models healthier social skills that don’t require liquid courage. Our interview dives into the surprising interpersonal benefits Dustin has experienced since quitting drinking. Joining the Alcohol-Free Revolution Dustin discusses the free global community he created to support people in transitioning to alcohol-free lives. Members find camaraderie in overcoming drinking triggers, guidance in handling new emotions now out of suppression, and inspiration from others navigating the journey. Dustin explains how membership gives lobbying power to eventually ban alcohol advertising, preventing further generational indoctrination. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Justin Lee, author of Talking Across the Divide, joins us to explain how parents can have more productive disagreements with teens by overcoming the ego protection instinct and using storytelling to find common ground. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Parenting a teenager often feels like an ideological battleground. Their values, interests and worldviews can seem completely foreign to our own, causing rifts in our relationship almost daily. Navigating these choppy waters requires strategy and finesse so that we don’t widen the gap even further. This week, we’re learning how to bridge divides from someone who has made connections his life’s work. We’re joined by Justin Lee, author of the new book Talking Across the Divide: How to Communicate with People You Disagree With and Maybe Even Change the World. Justin has spent over 20 years facilitating thoughtful dialogue between groups that typically don’t see eye to eye. As the founder of the world’s largest LGBTQ Christian advocacy organization, Justin has firsthand experience bringing together people of divergent backgrounds. Now, he’s sharing his tried and tested methods for overcoming conflicts by focusing on shared interests and storytelling. Even when parents and teens sit on what feel like opposite sides of the ideological spectrum, we likely have more in common than we realize. By approaching rifts strategically instead of confrontationally, we can narrow divides and start effecting real change. The Ego Protection Instinct When tensions run high, our first instinct is often to double down on our position. After all, no one wants to look like the “bad guy” or feel embarrassed when realizing they’re wrong. This ego protection instinct kicks in, causing both parties to dig their heels in further in order to save face. Justin explains that the key to working through this instinct is to approach the conversation calmly and strategically. Making teens defensive will only cause them to reject our perspective entirely. By listening first instead of accusing, we make space for their viewpoint while getting them to lower their guard. This thoughtful approach makes them more receptive later on when we share our own story. Telling Our Story When it comes time to share our side, Justin explains that facts and figures often fall flat. What really helps the other person relate to our position is hearing the story behind why this issue matters so much to us. By explaining our personal experiences, worries, disappointments and more, the other person gains empathy and understanding as to why we ended up with these strong beliefs. Storytelling helps them step into our shoes, seeing our views as reasonable instead of attacking our character. It also allows both parties to recognize each other’s stories as valid without having to denounce the other. Plotting a Way Forward Without a plan for how the conversation should end, we risk leaving the other person hurt or resentful. Justin encourages parents to think critically about what they actually want to gain before diving into tense talks. Do we want to “win” by making the teen feel stupid? Or do we want to gain a better understanding between us? By visualizing a story in which the teen’s past actions were reasonable and our new way forward makes sense, we provide a path that allows them to save face while still growing. With thoughtful compromises focused on shared interests rather than contradictory positions, we stand a better chance of inching closer together. No matter how far apart parents and teens may feel at times, Justin proves even groups with the most divergent views can find common ground through strategic, thoughtful dialogue. By leading with empathy and storytelling, we model good communication while bridging ideological divides one conversation at a time. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Janice Fraser, author of Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama, joins us to explain how families can have productive debates using decision-making frameworks that increase understanding between parents and teens. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Big family decisions often come loaded with drama. Choosing a high school, making plans for college, or deciding on a family vacation can easily erupt into endless debates. Teens plead their case while parents grow frustrated - and no one feels heard. So how can families have productive talks that lead to real decisions instead of arguments? This week we’re learning how better family decision-making can increase understanding and reduce drama at home. We’re joined by Janice Fraser, author of the new book Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama: Make Better Decisions By Working Together. As an executive coach and startup advisor focused on group decision-making, Janice has delivered workshops and coached teams around the world. She’s here to teach us how we can facilitate productive family meetings by reframing the way we look at big decisions. Why Family Drama Builds During adolescence, teens develop their own perspectives - but parents don’t always make space to hear them. Without a framework for discussion, family debates can spiral as power struggles emerge. Parents may value efficiency and feel that their experience gives them authority, while teens want to feel autonomy and self-direction. To bridge this gap, Janice suggests focusing conversations around understanding rather than winning arguments. She explains that the real root of family drama lies in a values conflict, one that thoughtful discussion and compromise can usually resolve. Outcomes Over Outputs A key source of tension, Janice reveals, comes from parents and teens having different definitions of success. We often judge our kids by their outputs - their grades, achievements, sports records. But what teens really care about is meaningful outcomes that equip them for adulthood. Janice suggests reframing family talks around the outcomes we want for our teens, like confidence, purpose and responsibility. If we make decisions based on what moves us towards those outcomes, we can avoid getting locked into one narrow path forward. Tools To Organize Perspectives Of course, gathering different viewpoints is easier said than done. Families need tools to structure productive debates. Janice details facilitation techniques she’s used at home, like writing discussion points on sticky notes before talking. Organizing ideas visually allows equal participation, avoids dead-end arguments and identifies shared priorities. Janice explains how to use methods like 2x2 matrices to focus on urgent topics and depersonalize debates. Modeling Conflict Resolution Through thoughtful facilitation, parents can model critical thinking and conflict resolution - skills teens need to thrive as adults. Janice explains that by creating an open, understanding environment, parents show teens how to handle differences maturely in their own relationships. Thoughtful family decision-making leads to better outcomes all around. Janice makes it clear that with the right tools, families can work together for everyone’s growth and success. In the Episode... My conversation with Janice was packed with insights on facilitating family harmony. We also discuss: Why radical self-acceptance enables progress How to balance participation and authority Why the “right decision” mindset backfires How to know when a debate should end To learn more from Janice, visit janicefraser.com or find her on Instagram @janiceleefraser. As always, don’t forget to share and subscribe! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Cai Graham, author of Fearless and Free, joins us to offer practical strategies for helping teens open up about their anxiety, break through communication barriers, and understand the science of their emotions, guiding them from silent struggles to active coping. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Navigating the turbulent waters of teenage anxiety can often feel like a daunting task for parents. Teenagers, caught in the storm of hormonal changes and social pressures, might close off, leaving us struggling to reach them. When they do grapple with anxiety, many teens lack the vocabulary or the comfort level to express what's happening inside them, and this silence can create a divide between them and the support they need. On the other hand, parents may feel helpless or at a loss for the right words when they notice their teen's distress. But there's hope—and it begins with understanding, communication, and the tools to change the narrative around anxiety. Enter our guest, Cai Graham, a parenting and teen coach, speaker, podcaster, and the insightful author behind the workbook "Fearless and Free - A Step by Step Blueprint to Conquer Anxiety." Cai brings to light the nuances of teenage anxiety from both parental and adolescent perspectives, delivering frameworks and actionable tactics for starting those necessary conversations. Understanding Anxiety's Hold on Teens Cai dives deep into the heart of anxiety, explaining the biology behind it, and destigmatizing the experience for both teens and their parents. She dismantles the shame that can often shroud feelings of anxiety, unpacking why teens might feel a troubling sense of isolation when confronting their worries. By reframing these emotions as natural, Cai enables parents to foster an environment where teens can approach their apprehension without fear of judgment. Communication Tools for Tough Talks Cai introduces the 'three questions'—a game-changing tool for parents to get teens talking without overwhelming them. This exercise offers teens the space they need to measure their emotional temperature in a safe space. Through this straightforward approach, the dialogues that once seemed impossible start to flow, creating a foundation for mutual understanding and trust. The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing Self-compassion is key in the fight against anxiety. Cai urges both parents and teens to exercise it, arguing that it's crucial in the face of setbacks. By examining failure as feedback, not defeat, teens can learn resilience. Cai's discussion on self-compassion serves as a powerful reminder for parents to lead by example in how they handle their own imperfections, ultimately guiding their teens by showing them that being gentle with oneself is not only okay—it's necessary. Navigating Panic and Anxiety: KNOW the Difference Cai brilliantly differentiates between anxiety and panic, illustrating to parents why understanding the distinction matters. She presents methods to help teens address and cope with the sudden onset of panic as opposed to the simmering worries of anxiety, equipping families with the knowledge to tackle each appropriately. Practical Strategies for Calming the Chaos Armed with tactics like 'brain dumping' and the THINK framework, Cai teaches teens how to prioritize tasks and address the onslaught of negative internal dialogue that can exacerbate anxiety. These strategies are essential tools for empowering teens to take control of their emotional and practical worlds. In this episode, Cai Graham guides us through: - The power of naming emotions to conquer anxiety - Coaching teens to manage their to-do lists and calm their minds - Techniques for grounding and self-soothing during anxious moments - How to model effective coping strategies to inspire anxious adolescents To discover more about Cai Graham's work in supporting families through the journey of adolescence and anxiety, visit CaiGraham.com, or check out her book "Fearless and Free" on Amazon for a comprehensive guide to help your teen thrive. Tune in to learn how you can help your teen transition from anxiety to assurance with the expert advice from Cai Graham. Don’t forget to listen, share, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for weekly insights on guiding teens through their most formative years. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Simone Heng, author of "Let's Talk About Loneliness," joins us to explain why loneliness is reaching epidemic levels among teens, how it rewires the teenage brain, and what steps we can take as parents to help our kids reset and relate. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Loneliness is reaching epidemic levels among today's teenagers. Studies show teens are lonelier than any other generation, with 10 out of 11 feelings of loneliness. As kids withdraw socially, they get caught in a negative feedback loop where loneliness leads to more loneliness. How can we help pull teens out of this dangerous downward spiral? How can we raise kids equipped for meaningful human connections when devices and social media threaten to replace in-person relating? This week we’re exploring the teenage loneliness crisis, why it’s happening, and what we can do about it. We’re joined by Simone Heng, author of the new book “Let’s Talk About Loneliness.” Simone is a speaker and former broadcaster focused on human connection. She’s here to explain why loneliness can be so devastating to the developing teenage brain, how teens end up self-isolating, and what small steps we can take to foster more connectivity at home and beyond. Why Loneliness Rewires the Teenage Brain Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience – it changes the actual structure and functioning of the brain, explains Simone. When we don’t get enough in-person interaction, our brains downgrade the areas meant for processing social cues and relating to others. Simone describes how chronic stress from loneliness keeps our body in fight-or-flight mode, releasing excess adrenaline and cortisol. This is meant to motivate us to go out and connect. But instead, lonely teens withdraw even further, caught in a vicious cycle. The overloaded stress response starts to dampen teen’s immune systems, reduce cognition, and make them more prone to disorders later on. At a time when kids need to be developing social skills, loneliness causes their abilities atrophy. Simone and I discuss how this epidemic of disconnection is intertwined with the digital age, where teens derive a false sense of “connection” from screens and devices. She explains why online interaction will never truly satisfy our brain’s hardwired need for in-person relating. Escaping the Downward Spiral The solution for loneliness isn’t one-size-fits-all, explains Simone. Because each teen’s stress response system functions differently, they need personalized strategies for resetting their body to healthy baseline functioning. Simone suggests getting teen’s cortisol levels tested to find out specifics on their stress response. She then offers individualized nutrition plans, sleep recommendations, and more tailored support. General tips include getting teens outdoors, helping them identify and connect with their values, and limiting time online. An important step is also examining our own stress, says Simone. Kids pick up on parents’ tension, so we have to model self-care, healthy relating, and good boundaries around technology use. Fostering Human Connection at Home When teens isolate in their rooms, it can seem impossible to draw them out. But Simone suggests reframing device use as a privilege to be earned through family connection. She gives examples like asking teens to put phones away during parts of family dinners or outings. We can challenge teens to go on “silent walks” without headphones, and actually engage with the people they pass. We can also prompt them to observe social dynamics when out together, almost as field research rather than always defaulting to screens. With some creativity and commitment to disconnecting from devices, we can develop little rituals of relating that help fulfill our human need for community, says Simone. We just have to be willing to model it ourselves. Additional topics covered: The rise of social anxiety in youth Why teens hold friends to impossible standards The importance of eye contact & micro-connections How to balance social media use The power of humility & apology If you enjoyed this week’s show don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. See you next week! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

CJ Casciotta, author of The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary, joins us to discuss parenting beyond social media and finding real community. We talk about how to guide teens to separate online fiction from truth, why ordinary existence is profoundly meaningful, and how to foster raw, personal connection. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes In today's social media saturated world, it can feel impossible to raise teens without the influence of the metaverse. Kids are constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic standards set by influencers and celebrities online. The temptation for teens to create a sort of fictional version of themselves for social media is huge. So how do we parent teens beyond the vortex of social platforms? How can we model authenticity and real human connection for kids distracted by the digital realm? To help make sense of it all, we spoke with CJ Casciotta, author of The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary: A Human Manifesto in the Age of the Metaverse. As a media professional himself, CJ has an inside look at the social technology teens are using. But as a parent, he's concerned about the way online personas are replacing real identities. In our conversation with CJ, we discussed moving beyond the virtual world to find meaning in ordinary human existence. We also talked about the importance of modeling authentic offline experiences for teens. Escaping the Comparison Trap Social platforms tempt us to create the best possible versions of ourselves to display to others. But as CJ explains, teens feel pressure to make their lives seem extraordinary in the process. They often feel inadequate when comparing their realities to the fake realities shown by influencers online. CJ stressed that parents need to clarify the line between truth and fiction for kids. We should have open conversations about the fact that what teens see online is often more acting than real life. As parents, we can model embracing ordinary existence for teens, showing them that a normal life is beautiful too. CJ suggests that we guide teens in using technology to create art and community that celebrates ordinary humanity. We can prompt them to appreciate the simple miracles of human connection, instead of chasing inflated social media success. Building True Community Real community requires showing up authentically, embracing imperfection. As CJ explains, this means resisting the urge to document and publicize every gathering. True connection happens when we put down our devices and engage sincerely with those around us. CJ is modeling this for his own kids by recently moving to a new city to be closer to genuine friends. He realized his family felt isolated and numb despite living in a crowded urban area. Now they are remembering what real community feels like. As parents, we can push teens to value in-person experiences over digital ones. We can also limit their technology use at times so real connection isn't constantly competing with the virtual world. Building spaces for teens to bond beyond devices needs to become an intentional priority. In the Episode... Diving beyond the world of screens is crucial for families today. On top of the topics above, CJ and I also discussed: Why teaching kids to separate fact from fiction matters How to parent the first generation of digital natives Why poets and artists will be key leaders in the coming age How parents can model authenticity for teens If you want to learn more, visit CJ's Substack (bycj.substack.com) or check out his book The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary. As always, don't forget to subscribe! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Sheri Glucoft Wong, author of Raising Kids, shares the importance of being a consistent parent, even when raising teens feels like a complicated maze. As a therapist, Sheri has a wealth of insight on how to effectively and consistently communicate with our kids. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes As parents, we all have those moments when communicating with our teen feels easy, and other times when no matter what we say, it leads to conflict. Why is that? What makes the difference between feeling effective vs ineffective? This week we’re exploring that idea with our guest Sheri Glucoft Wong, a nationally recognized family therapist and author of Raising Kids: Your Essential Guide to Everyday Parenting. Sheri introduces the concept of being “on your spot” as a parent – when you feel aligned in your head, heart, and gut about an issue, communicate it clearly to your teen, and they respond accordingly without a power struggle. What does it mean to be “on your spot” and why does it create cooperation not conflict? How can we get “off our spot” and start grasping for leverage through threats and consequences? Sheri explains why threats often backfire and how a simple “tweak” using “when/then” language instead of “if/then” can turn things around. The Power of Being “On Your Spot” Being on your spot as a parent means you feel clear and aligned internally about an issue, so you can take a firm yet kind stance with your teen. Sheri shares how parents have no trouble insisting kids wear seatbelts in the car – they never threaten or bribe, they just know it’s non-negotiable. But with other issues, like manners or chore completion, they struggle because they’re not fully on their spot. In our interview, Sheri describes how being on your spot means your head, heart, and gut all align – you intellectually know what your teen needs, you care enough to want that for them, and your instincts tell you it’s the right thing. When all three are lined up, you can stand firm calmly and prevail without resorting to power struggles. From Threats to Incentives When we’re off our spot as parents, we often start grasping for leverage over our teens through punishments and consequences. We take away devices or restrict privileges trying to motivate them. But Sheri explains that while limits are fine, threats rarely work and can backfire. Instead of “if/then” threats, Sheri suggests “when/then” incentives. Rather than saying “if you don’t complete your homework, you lose phone privileges,” say “when you complete your homework, you can have phone time.” This small tweak eliminates the threatening tone and helps motivate cooperation. Reframing Difficult Experiences No matter how much we want to shield our teens from pain, they’ll inevitably face disappointments that are out of our control – a pandemic, social conflict, a lost game. But as Sheri explains, what truly shapes the impact isn’t what happens to teens, but rather what they make those events mean. As parents, we have power to reframe difficult situations and influence how our teens internalize them. We can encourage resilience rather than victimhood by discussing values and modeling emotional management. By focusing on what they can control, not what happens to them, we help teens build lifelong coping skills. Additional Topics: Why labeling kids “bullies” or “victims” can backfire Understanding teen emotions without over-identifying Indulging tantrums vs. fostering independence Teaching teens to handle disappointment If you enjoyed this episode, check out Sheri’s book Raising Kids: Your Essential Guide to Everyday Parenting for more great insights! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Michael McQueen, author of MindStuck, dives into the science of persuading stubborn teenagers, and reveals why the tactics parents typically use to influence our kids simply don't work. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes Trying to convince a stubborn teenager to see things your way can feel impossible at times. They seem completely stuck in their perspectives, unwilling to listen to reason or logic. So how do we get through when teen minds seem closed off? According to our guest Michael McQueen, the root of the issue lies in outdated persuasion tactics. When trying to sway teens, most parents rely on giving information, evidence and rational arguments. But as Michael explains, this only taps into one small part of the brain–the rational, thinking prefrontal cortex. The majority of our decisions and viewpoints are actually shaped by a more impulsive, instinctual part of the brain. For teens, who are still developing cognitively, this portion of the brain wields even more influence. So if we want to change a teen’s mind, we have to learn what truly motivates it. The Teenage Brain In his book “Mind Stuck,” Michael refers to the two processing centers of the brain as the “inquiring mind” and the “instinctive mind.” The inquiring mind takes in information and analyzes it logically before coming to conclusions. But for most people, only around 5-10% of decisions happen here. The instinctive mind is much faster, making snap judgments based on emotions, biases and self-preservation. This is the mind that judges whether someone is in our “tribe,” and causes us to have gut reactions. For teens with underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes, nearly all decisions happen via the instinctive mind. So when parents offer rational arguments to change teens’ behavior, teens brush them off–because facts and data barely penetrate their instinctive way of thinking. Actually, pushing logic often backfires, causing teens to dig their heels in defensively. Instead, Michael suggests appealing to the instinctive mind by building trust and rapport. One way to do this is through vulnerability and finding common ground. Getting on Their Wavelength Trying to assert authority or superiority when conversing with teens is unlikely to get us anywhere, Michael says. Teens are inherently skeptical of parents’ knowledge and worldliness. The instinctive mind wants to stick with the tribe–and for teens, parents are not members. That’s why Michael suggests having authentic conversations where we come alongside teens humbly. Saying “I don’t have this all figured out” or “I’d love to hear your take on this” demonstrates that we respect their autonomy. It also diffuses tension so they drop their defenses. Michael also discusses the importance of developing trust by upping oxytocin levels. The bonding hormone oxytocin determines how much we unconsciously trust someone. Releasing it requires candidness and finding synchrony–walking together side-by-side can naturally build connection. Matching body language too obviously can feel disingenuous. But according to neuroscientist Dr. Paul Zak, going on walks is an easy way to build rapport with teens by mirroring cadence and getting on the same wavelength. Asking the Right Questions Beyond vulnerability and synchrony, the language we use with teens can foster influence and trust, Michael says. Asking questions is more productive than making statements. And there’s an art to framing inquiries that defuse tension and make teens want to open up. We can preface questions by admitting we don’t have the full picture. And we should ask out of genuine curiosity rather than trying to catch teens behaving badly or evaluate their choices. Our motive should be understanding their perspective. The way teens interpret our questions depends heavily on body language and tone as well. And the types of questions we ask can steer conversations productively or unproductively. More Than Logic While the instinctive mind drives most of a teen’s decisions, the inquiring mind still plays a role too. Particularly as the prefrontal cortex develops, introducing facts, data and personal experience can supplement emotional appeals. Telling stories makes parents more relatable. And describing our own regrets and mistakes reassures teens that poor choices or failures aren’t abnormal–everyone makes bad decisions in their youth. While logic alone rarely changes perspectives, when combined with vulnerability, rapport and the right questioning, facts can reinforce the influence parents have. Understanding and utilizing multiple persuasion tactics allows parents to get through even when teens’ minds seem firmly stuck. In the Episode... On top of the topics outlined above, we also discuss: Why isolation impacts teen psychology How to have high stakes conversations Why consistency and boundaries breed respect Picking your battles as a parent To learn more from Michael and grab a copy of “Mind Stuck,” head to his website at michaelmcqueen.net. Thanks for listening–don’t forget to subscribe! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Chris Martin, author of May Tomorrow Be Awake, speaks on the concept of neurodiversity, and how parents can encourage teenagers to be their unique selves, rather than trying to pass as "normal." If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show Notes We all want our kids to feel “normal”, to fit in with their peers and the culture around them. But what if normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? What if we’ve defined “normal” too narrowly, and left a lot of beautiful minds out of the picture? Our guest today, Chris Martin, is encouraging us to take a closer look at the concept of neurotypicality. As a poet and advocate who has worked with autistic writers for over 20 years, Chris has come to see neurodivergence as a creative superpower rather than a deficit. So what does it mean to be “neurodivergent”? Why is neurodiversity so poorly understood? And how we can nurture the neurodiverse minds all around us--both in our kids and in ourselves? Introducing Chris Martin To explore those questions, we’re speaking with Chris Martin, poet and Executive Director of UnRestricted Interest, an arts organization for neurodivergent writers. Chris is himself neurodivergent, with ADHD. In his book “May Tomorrow Be Awake”, Chris details his experiences working with nonspeaking autistic poets. He shares their incredible insights while reframing common misconceptions about autism--like the notion that autistic people “lack empathy.” Drawing on his background, we’ll be discussing: How autism has unique creative strengths Why all kids start out neurodivergent The high cost of “masking” neurodivergence How to nurture neurodiversity in teens Autism’s Upsides Autism comes with plenty of challenges, but also some incredible strengths...if we choose to see them. As Chris explains, many autistic traits have a positive flipside when reframed. What’s seen as a “restricted interest” can also be viewed as a passionate devotion to a subject, while sensory sensitivity connects autistic people to the environment in profound ways. Chris even explains how synesthesia--common in autistics--may have given rise to metaphor and poetry. Understanding how autistic minds work differently is key to valuing their contributions. Neurodivergence itself shouldn’t be the problem--the problem is a culture that refuses to accommodate it. Masking Our True Selves Many neurodivergent people can “pass” for neurotypical, masking their true selves in order to fit in. But as Chris recounts, this masking process can make people physically ill. He explains how as a child, he trained himself to perform neurotypicality out of fear of bullying. Monitoring himself constantly to fit in was exhausting, and separated him from his true identity. The good news is that for the next generation, culture is already changing. Chris’s neurodivergent son hasn’t experienced the bullying Chris once did. But for those of us who grew up masking, unlearning those habits is tough. Through his work, however, Chris has found his way back to himself--and wants to help others do the same. Embracing Our Shared Neurodiversity One takeaway from Chris’s book is that since we all have diverse minds and bodies, disability is a universal human experience. We can’t predict or eliminate it--we have to accommodate for it. Likewise, we all exist on a spectrum of neurodivergence. Though some people seem more neurotypical than others, it’s partly an act, Chris argues--we’re all suppressing or enhancing certain natural tendencies to conform. Kids start out accepting of their own and others’ neurodivergence. But at some point, we teach them to hide it. What if instead, we could preserve that spirit of openness, and build a culture that embraces each mind and body? A world that celebrates neurodiversity is one that would benefit us all--one that’s more creative, more thoughtful and more humane. Chris and his autistic friends are illuminating the path. Additional Topics: Why autistic people may have been first to use metaphor How to congratulate someone on an autism diagnosis Why disability is ahead for us all How to nurture tics versus correct them Don’t miss this thought-provoking discussion! To hear more from Chris, check out his book “May Tomorrow Be Awake” or visit unrestrictedinterest.com. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok