#39: Escaping the Prison of "Should": Reclaiming the Power to Choose

MYB EPISODE 39: ESCAPING THE PRISON OF “SHOULD”: RECLAIMING THE POWER TO CHOOSE

THE PROBLEM WITH “SHOULD”

How many times have you said something like:

• I should eat healthier
• I should stop eating fast food
• I should make time to exercise
• I should go to bed earlier

Now: How many times did one of these “I should” statements motivate you to do the thing you think you “should” do?

OR, did saying “I should” trigger you to move in the OPPOSITE direction out of a sense of rebellion, resistance, guilt, shame, or overwhelm at the mere prospect of doing the thing?

Even worse, did saying “I should” damage your ability to enjoy what you actually WERE deciding to do because of the overhanging guilt of what you thought you “should” be doing?

This is the problem with should: It is NOT motivating; quite the opposite, in fact!

WHERE DOES THE IDEA OF “SHOULD” COME FROM?

Should comes from a sense of external pressure, rather an empowered choice to take action because we’re clear on the payoff.

It comes from comparison with what others are doing, saying, or achieving.

It does NOT come from an intrinsically driven decision about what WE want and feel worthy and capable of achieving.

And, because it doesn’t feel like our choice, we aren’t remotely motivated to take action!

This gap – or prison - between what we think we “SHOULD” do and our inaction or rebellion triggers us to feel:

• Guilty
• Ashamed
• Rebellious
• Convinced that we’re behaving “badly” when we SHOULD want to be “good”

This is SO damaging!

• It undermines self-trust because we think our lack of motivation and willpower
• It damages our sense that we can make meaningful change in our life because we “never stick to anything”
• It distracts us from tuning into what we actually DO want since our attention is focused on what we “SHOULD” want

HOW TO ESCAPE THE PRISON OF SHOULD

• Become aware that you’re in it. Catch it when you hear yourself making “I should” statements.
• Reclaim your power to choose. You get to decide what you want, need, and deserve!
• Eyes on your own health, body, and life. Pay far less attention to what others are doing so you can get curious about what works best for YOU.
• Acknowledge your responsibility to actively choose so that you can either 1) fully embrace where you are or 2) pursue the goals you’ve chosen without the burden of guilt or internal rebellion.

IT’S TIME

Our time here is finite. It’s incumbent on us to rise up in our own lives and DECIDE how we want to live!

Should is joyless prison of guilt, shame, and inertia.

Fortunately, the key to the prison door is in our own hands. We just need to use it.

We’d love to know your thoughts. Was this helpful? Do you have other topics you’d like to hear us discuss? Let us know on our MYB Facebook page!

xo,

Lisa and Jenny, co-hosts

The Mind Your Body Podcast