Beth and Claire return to your ears with a recap of 2017's Wrapped Up in Christmas, where an uptight career woman and a lawyer-turned-painter find love... at the mall! Special appearance by everybody's favorite drunk grandma, Jasmine Guy.

All we want for Christmas is for Mayor Carol Lockwood to not be dead :(

A tale of flashbacks and flash drives...

Not even a good old-fashioned Miss Mystic Falls pageant can save this episode from its terrible plotlines.

Elena fails to die at Wickery Bridge for the third time.

I hope the Mystic Grill has restaurantmobile insurance.

Now they at the frat party, having a great time.

Despite all her rage, Elena is still just a rat in a cage.

Claire and Beth share their most memorable puking stories in solidarity with Elena, who's not having a great day.

More like "Growing Fangs" am I right?

Season three comes to a close (and it only took us 3 years and 11 months to get through it)!

A very special episode about what NOT to do right after having multiple pints of blood removed from your body.

In which Rebekah is once again prevented from attending a school dance.

Stefan and Alaric's dark sides have a play date, and Elena gets very horny in Denver.

In which there's definitely more than one murder.

Alaric woke up on the evil side of the bed, and Damon orchestrates the least sexy threesome of all time.

The serial killer plotline comes to a head in the most convoluted way possible, and we flash back to a not-very-interesting Mystic Falls, 1912.

Esther wants to murder All Her Children and only Elena cares enough to try to stop her.

The Originals throw a lavish ball, but horses steal the show.

Five resurrections, four stabbings and one death: just another typical week in Mystic Falls!