There are a lot of popular ideas out there around marriage, family, and culture, like, for example, that living together before marriage decreases your chances of divorce, people are having fewer children because children are expensive to raise, and society is becoming more secular because people leave religion in adulthood. Are these ideas actually born out by the data? Today we put that question to Lyman Stone, a sociologist and demographer who crunches numbers from all the latest studies to find out what’s going on in population, relationship, and familial trends. We dig into some of the counterintuitive findings he’s discovered in his research and discuss the possible reasons that cohabitation is actually correlated with a higher chance of divorce, the effect that marrying later has on fertility, why the drop in the number of kids people are having isn’t only about cost but also about the rise in high intensity parenting, and how the increase in societal secularization can actually be traced to kids, not adults. Resources Related to the Episode Related articles by Lyman Stone: Does Getting Married Really Make You Happier? Why Canadian Women Aren’t Having the Children They Desire For Fertility, Marriage Still Matters Too Risky to Wed in Your 20s? Not If You Avoid Cohabiting First What the Latest Current Population Survey Tells Us About the Future of Fertility Secularization Begins at Home AoM Article: The Surprising Benefits of Marrying Young AoM Article: How to Test Your Relationship Without Moving In Together AoM Podcast #349: The Problem With Ambiguity in Relationships with Scott Stanley Connect With Lyman Stone Lyman on Twitter

Note: This is a rebroadcast. Charisma can make everything smoother, easier, and more exciting in life. It’s a quality that makes people want to listen to you, to adopt your ideas, to be with you. While what creates charisma can seem like a mystery, my guest today, communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards, says it comes down to possessing an optimal balance of two qualities: warmth and competence. The problem is, even if you have warmth and competence, you may not be good at signaling these qualities to others. In Vanessa’s work, she’s created a research-backed encyclopedia of these influential signals, and she shares how to offer them in her book Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. Today on the show, Vanessa and I discuss some of the verbal and nonverbal social cues that make you attractive to others, and keep you out of what she calls the “danger zone.” She explains what the distance between your earlobes and shoulders has to do with looking competent, how using uptalk and vocal fry sabotages your ability to convey power, how to put more warmth in your voice, how to trigger the right response with a dating profile picture, and more. Resources Related to the Episode AoM series on the elements of charisma AoM Article: Gut Check — Are You a Contemptible Person? AoM Podcast #72: The Charisma Myth AoM Article: How to Use Body Language to Create a Dynamite First Impression AoM Podcast #694: The Fascinating Secrets of Your Voice JFK vs. Nixon presidential debate AoM article on the generational cycle Connect With Vanessa Van Edwards The Science of People Website Vanessa on Twitter Vanessa on IG

A focus on gratitude is typical this time of year. But more often than not, the cognitive or behavioral nods we give gratitude around Thanksgiving can feel a little limp, rote, and unedifying. If you feel like this American holiday has been lacking in meaning, maybe what you need is to infuse it with a Japanese practice. The Naikan method of self-reflection grew out of Buddhist spirituality and has been recognized by psychologists as a way to develop greater self-awareness, gratitude, empathy, and direction. Naikan involves asking yourself three questions: What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles and difficulties have I caused others? Gregg Krech, who is the executive director of the ToDo Institute, which promotes principles of psychology based on Eastern traditions, has created a Thanksgiving-specific version of Naikan that helps practitioners dig further into its first question. Today on the show, we talk about the way Naikan differs from mainstream gratitude practices and is based less on feeling and more on seeing the world objectively. Gregg shares six prompts that can help you recognize the reality of how you're being supported in the world, cultivate the art of noticing, and embrace life's grace. Resources Related to the Podcast The ToDo Institute's free Thanksgiving Guide to Self-Reflection booklet — scroll down, enter your email into the form, and a PDF of the booklet will be sent to you. Gregg's previous appearances on the AoM podcast: #425: Action Over Feelings #671: Begin the New Year by Reflecting on These 3 Life-Changing Questions Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection by Gregg Krech AoM Podcast #906: Stop Being a Complainer AoM Article: The Spiritual Disciplines — Gratitude Sunday Firesides: Graduate From the Kindergarten Class of Gratitude AoM Podcast #459: Beyond Gratitude Lite — The Real Virtue of Thankfulness How to Fight Entitlement and Develop Gratitude in Your Kids AoM Article: The George Bailey Technique — Mentally Erase Your Blessings for Greater Joy and Optimism Connect with Gregg Krech Thirty Thousand Days Website

For the last 15 years, William Vanderbloemen has run an executive search firm that helps non-profit organizations find leaders. Over the course of conducting tens of thousands of interviews with top-tier candidates, he's tracked and recorded what qualities the best leaders — the people he calls "unicorns" — possess that set them apart from everyone else in the field. William shares what he's learned in his new book Be the Unicorn: 12 Data-Driven Habits That Separate the Best Leaders from the Rest. Today we talk about what some of those twelve distinguishing habits are, and how people can use them to move ahead at work, as well as improve their relationships outside of it. We discuss the nearly 100% difference it can make in your business to respond to people right away, the least common trait among unicorns that the general population mistakenly believes they have in spades, how mastering the art of anticipation will make you stand out, a way to use eye contact to build strong connection, and much more. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Article: The Myth of Scarcity — 12 Stupidly Easy Things That’ll Set You Apart from the Pack AoM Podcast #865: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the 21st Century AoM Article: How to Make Eye Contact the Right Way in Life, Business, and Love AoM Podcast #644: How to Develop Greater Self-Awareness AoM Article: The Best Kind of Leader to Be NYT article: "What Do You Do With the Brilliant Jerk?" Sunday Firesides: Never Criticize Without Offering an Alternative

When we think of Western philosophers who pondered questions about the good life, we typically think of the classical era of Greece and the likes of Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle. But my guest would say that the poets and philosophers who came out of the preceding period, Greece's Iron Age, also have something to say about the nature of existence. Adam Nicolson is the author of How to Be: Life Lessons from the Early Greeks. Today on the show, Adam takes us on a tour of Iron Age Greece and how these seafaring people set the stage for our modern sense of self. Adam makes the case that the early Greeks had what he calls a "harbor mindset," which lent them a mentality centered on fluidity and transience. We discuss how Odysseus exemplifies this harbor mindset, and how a group of lesser-known pre-Socratic philosophers defined life through a lens of change and contradiction. Adam then explains how a mystical guru named Pythagoras paved the way for Greek thinkers like Plato and Aristotle and the rise of cooperative civility. Resources Related to the Podcast Adam's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #857 — Why Homer Matters AoM Podcast #337: What Homer’s Odyssey Can Teach Us Today The philosophers of Miletus: Anaximenes Thales Anaximander

To figure out what will happen in the future, we typically make guesswork predictions and look to particular periods in the past that seem like potential parallels. My guest says that to figure out what will happen next, and how best to navigate that coming landscape, the best things to consider are those that have been true in every time, and will be true until the end of it. Morgan Housel is a venture capitalist and the author of Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes. Today on the show we talk about ideas and principles that never change that can help you be successful in an ever-changing world, including how the biggest risks are those you can’t see, how the idea of compound interest applies beyond your finances, how your expectations can sabotage your happiness, why you need to learn to accept that things are supposed to be hard, and how success can lead to failure. Morgan also shares his rubric for choosing your reading, what genres of books he finds most useful for improving long-term thinking, and two books he especially recommends for broadening your perspective. Resources Related to the Podcast Morgan’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #659 — Do You Want to Be Rich or Wealthy? (And Why the Difference Matters) AoM Article: 5 Tools for Thriving in Uncertainty AoM Article: The Best Books to Read in Uncertain Times AoM Podcast #821: Routines Are Overrated The Great Depression: A Diary by Benjamin Roth The Patriarch: The Remarkable Life and Turbulent Times of Joseph P. Kennedy by David Nasaw Connect With Morgan Housel Morgan on X Morgan’s website Morgan on LinkedIn

Nietzsche's maxim, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," isn't just a sound philosophical principle. It's also a certifiable physiological phenomenon; toxins and stressors that could be deadly in large doses, actually improve health and resilience in smaller, intermittent ones. The ironic thing, my guest points out, is that it's the fact that we're not getting enough of this sublethal stress these days that's really doing us in. Paul Taylor is a former British Royal Navy Aircrew Officer, an exercise physiologist, nutritionist, and neuroscientist, and the author of Death by Comfort: How Modern Life is Killing Us and What We Can Do About It. Today on the show, Paul discusses the science of hormesis, how small doses of intermittent stress can make us more resistant to chronic stress, and why you need to embrace what Paul calls "discomfort harvesting." We talk about some now-familiar topics like fasting and cold and heat exposure with fresh inspiration as to how important they are to practice and how to do them effectively. We discuss how hot a sauna needs to be to get the benefits of heat exposure, Paul's suggestion for how to make an ice bath on the cheap, what may be the single best type of food to eat to improve your gut's microbiome, a form of fasting that's got anti-cancer benefits but is so accessible it won't even feel like fasting, what supplement to take to mitigate the effects of a bad night's sleep, and much more. We end our conversation with how to use what Paul calls a "ritual board" to stick with your healthy habits and resist the "soft underbelly" of modern life. Resources Related to the Podcast AoMPodcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis AoM article/video on the benefits of cold showers AoM Podcast #801: The Cold Water Swim Cure AoM Podcast #603: The Physical Keys to Human Resilience AoM Article: How Saunas Can Help Save Your Body, Mind, and Spirit AoM Article: How to Sauna — All the FAQs AoM Podcast #585: Inflammation, Saunas, and the New Science of Depression AoM Podcast #862: Heal the Body With Extended Fasting Podcast #328: The Pros and Cons of Intermittent Fasting AoM Podcast #581: The Tiny Habits That Change Everything AoM Podcast #425: Action Over Feelings The NOVA Food Classification System Stanford study on the effect of fiber and fermented food on the microbiome Research on creatine as a neurotransmitter and creatine's effect on brain health (including impact when sleep deprived) Connect With PaulTaylor Paul's website Paul on IG Paul on LinkedIn Paul's podcast Paul's mental fitness course for coaches and health professionals

People often think of failure in one of two ways: as something that hinders the pursuit of success, or as something that's a necessity in obtaining it — as in the Silicon Valley mantra that recommends failing fast and often. There's truth to both ideas, but neither offers a complete picture of failure. That's because there isn't just one kind of failure, but three. Here to unpack what those three types are is Amy Edmondson, a professor of leadership at the Harvard Business School and the author of The Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well. Today on the show, Amy shares which type of failure is most productive, which types are less fruitful, and how to best use the former, prevent the latter, and learn from failure of every kind. We also talk about how to organize potential failures into a matrix that will help you best approach them. Along the way, we dig into examples, both big and small, of how individuals, organizations, and families can put failure to work for them. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Podcast #646: How to Win at Losing AoM Article: Clausewitz on Overcoming the Annoying Slog of Life AoM Podcast #517: What Big-Time Catastrophes Can Teach Us About How to Improve the Systems of Our Lives AoM Article: The Power of Checklists AoM Article: How Reframing Builds Resilience Connect With Amy Edmondson Amy's website

For millennia, stone lifting was an important part of cultures around the world, and its significance went far beyond feats of strength. Stone lifting was part of weddings and funerals, used as a job interview to assess someone's fitness as a farmhand, and included in rites of passage and tests of all-around manhood. Much of the world's ancient stone lifting culture has been forgotten, and rocks that used to be hoisted regularly in town squares and cemeteries have been sitting untouched for hundreds of years. David Keohan, an Irish world champion kettlebell lifter-turned-amateur folklorist, has set out to change that. In the last couple of years, David has been on the hunt for Ireland's legendary lifting stones; he uses oral and written history to search them out and learn their stories and then hoists them himself, once again putting wind under stones that haven't been picked up for centuries. Today on the show, David shares the significance of stone lifting around the world and specifically in Irish culture, the practicalities of lifting a 400-pound stone off the ground, and what stone lifting has taught him about being a man. Resources Related to the Podcast "The Quest to Pick Up the Lost Lifting Stones of Ireland" — GQ article about David Rogue documentaries on stone lifting in Scotland, Iceland, and Spain Duchas — Ireland's National Folklore Collection AoM Article: Odd Object Training Primer Utah Stones of Strength Edmonton Stones of Strength Connect With David Keohan David on IG

If you've wanted to develop your character, you've probably thought about strengthening virtues like courage, humility, and resolution. But my guest would say that practicing social skills is another way of increasing your moral strength, and the moral strength of society as a whole. David Brooks is the author of numerous books, including his latest, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Today on the show, David discusses why our culture lost an emphasis on moral formation, and why this loss has led to alienation and anomie. We then talk about the role each of us can play in repairing this fabric by developing concrete social skills, avenues to improve character that, unlike some virtues that are only called upon in a crisis, you can practice every day. David shares insights on how we can get better at giving people attention, asking good questions, and helping those who are going through a hard time. We also discuss how understanding different personality types and life stages can allow us to better understand other people. Resources Related to the Podcast David's previous appearances on the AoM Podcast: Episode #292: The Road to Character Episode #518: The Quest for a Moral Life "How America Got Mean" — Atlantic article by David Brooks AoM series on becoming a better listener AoM excerpt: 10 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend AoM Article: The 3 Elements of Charisma — Presence AoM Article: The Stages of a Man’s Life

Protein, along with fat and carbohydrates, make up one of three basic macronutrients of the human diet. Yet for something so fundamental, a lot of confusion exists around protein. What's the best kind? How much do you need? When should you eat it? Here to clear up some of that confusion is Don Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition and one of the world's foremost researchers on the subject of dietary protein. Today on the show, Don explains why animal-based proteins are superior to plant-based proteins, why he thinks collagen is worthless, how much protein you really need to consume and whether it depends on your activity level and age, what happens when kids don't get enough protein, the optimal times of day to eat protein, who needs to consume protein right after a workout and who doesn't, and whether you can get enough protein in your diet if you do intermittent fasting. We end our conversation with why Don thinks increasing protein consumption can be the most effective way to lose weight. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Article: Chugging Your Protein — It’s Whey Easier Than You Think AoM Article: How Much Protein Do You REALLY Need? AoM Article: How to Finally Nail Your Pre- and Post-Workout Nutrition Protein leverage hypothesis Forever Strong: A New, Science-Based Strategy for Aging Well Connect With Donald Layman Don on X Metabolic Transformation website Don's faculty page

In order to thrive in a world that’s constantly in flux, you have to learn to overcome your fear of the unknown and adapt yourself to whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Zombies and Minecraft can teach how to do both. Today on the show, I talk to Max Brooks, son of famed filmmaker Mel Brooks, who is the author of books that include World War Z and a series of Minecraft novels for kids. Max and I discuss how he’s used his fiction to explore learning to be resilient in the face of change and how his work writing about the zombie apocalypse led to a gig at the Modern War Institute at West Point. Along the way, Max offers insights on overcoming your fear of the unknown and how Minecraft can help your kids learn how to thrive in a world where becoming a creative problem solver is the name of the game. Resources Related to the Podcast Select books by MaxBrooks: The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War Minecraft: The Island Minecraft: The Mountain Minecraft: The Village AoM Article: Survival Lessons from World War Z AoM Podcast #902: How to Survive Any Worst Case Scenario AoM Article: 5 Tools for Thriving in Uncertainty AoM Article: The Best Books to Read in Uncertain Times “In a Far Country” by Jack London Connect With Max Brooks Max‘s website

Maybe you're in a midlife slump. Maybe you're unhappy in your job and marriage. Maybe you're inactive and overweight. Maybe you've tried to change your life before but can't seem to make the changes stick. What do you need to do to finally turn things around? My guest would say that the answer might be getting a dog. Jeff Goodrich is the author of Dude and Duder: How My Dog Saved My Life. Today on the show, Jeff shares what his life was like at age 49 before getting Duder the Dog, and how Duder sparked changes that helped him lose 70 pounds, repair his relationships, and find real happiness. Along the way, we talk about advice that can apply to anyone trying to get out of the midlife slump, even if you don't own a dog, although Jeff would say you really should get one. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise AoM Article: Choosing Man’s Best Friend — A Guide to Canine Companions AoM Article: Why a Man Should Get His Dog From the Pound AoM Article: Solvitur Ambulando — It Is Solved By Walking Connect With Jeff Goodrich The Dude and Duder website Dude and Duder on IG

It often seems like we live in a very inconsiderate, indifferent, and ill-mannered time and that the cure for what ails our abrasive and disjointed relations is a lot more politeness. But my guest would say that what we really need is a revival of civility. Today on the show, Alexandra Hudson — author of The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves — explains the difference between politeness and civility, and how being civil can actually require being impolite. We discuss how civility ensures the health of democracy, and good government relies on citizens' ability to govern themselves and check each other, which may require acting a little like . . . Larry David. We talk about what Homer's Odyssey can teach us about the art of hospitality, the relationship between civility and integrity, and more. Resources Related to the Podcast AoM Article: How Manners Made the World Class: A Guide Through the American Status System by Paul Fussell AoM Podcast #746: The Confucian Gentleman AoM Article: The Manly Art of Hospitality "Chat and cut" scene on Curb Your Enthusiasm The Odyssey translated by Emily Wilson Connect With Alexandra Hudson Alexandra's website Alexandra's Substack: Civic Renaissance

A lot of guys would like to build bigger muscles. And they may have heard that in order to do so, they need to activate something called "hypertrophy." But what is hypertrophy and how do you achieve it in order to get swole? My guest, bodybuilding and strength coach Paul Carter, will unpack what you need to know today on the show. We get into the difference between size and strength, the two big myths around hypertrophy, the right number of sets to do for developing a muscle group, why Paul thinks machines are better than free weights for building bigger muscles, and more. Resources Related to the Podcast Maximum Muscle Bible by Christian Thibaudeau and Paul Carter Mike Mentzer's Heavy Duty training Connect With Paul Carter Paul on IG Paul on FB Paul's Programming at Train Heroic

It’s one thing to be bored by having to wait in line or sit through a dry lecture. It’s another thing to be bored with life itself. What can you do about this kind of existential boredom? My guest will share a remedy with us today on the show. His name is Kevin Hood Gary, and he’s a professor of education, specializing in the philosophy of education. We begin our conversation with the difference between situational and existential boredom, and how the latter arises when we toggle solely between work and amusement. Kevin argues that we need to add an element of leisure, as the ancients understood it, into our lives, and we talk about what that looks like, and how it requires embracing solitude, study, epiphanies, and love. Connect With Kevin Hood Gary Kevin’s Website Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!) Listen to the episode on a separate page. Download this episode. Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice. Transcript Coming Soon

If you or someone you know has a problem with procrastination, you've probably chalked it up to a deficiency in time management skills or self-control. But my guest says there are deeper reasons underlying procrastination, and he'll unpack what they are today on the show. Joseph Ferrari is a Catholic deacon, a professor of psychology, and a foremost researcher and expert on procrastination who has authored or co-authored 400 professional articles and 35 books and textbooks. Today on the show, Dr. Ferrari explains the psychological dynamics behind procrastination and what you can do to counter them. He also shares the difference between regular and chronic procrastination, which of your parents you probably got your propensity to procrastinate from, and how procrastination can manifest in indecision. Resources Related to the Podcast Select books/textbooks Joseph has authored/co-authored on procrastination: Still Procrastinating: The No Regrets Guide to Getting It Done Procrastination and Task Avoidance: Theory, Research, and Treatment Counseling the Procrastinator in Academic Settings AoM Article:Stop Procrastinating Today With Behavioral Science AoM Podcast #444: How to Use the Procrastination Equation to Start Getting Things Done AoM Article: Get Better Without Torturing Yourself — The Power of Temptation Bundling Connect With Dr. Joseph Ferrari Joseph's faculty page

Everyone has some bad habits, and they nearly always involve doing something too much. Eating too much, drinking too much, buying too much, looking at your phone too much. Why do we have such a propensity for overdoing it? My guest says it's all thanks to a "scarcity loop" that we're hardwired to follow. Once you understand how this loop works, you can start taking action to resist the compulsive cravings that sabotage your life. Michael Easter is the author of Scarcity Brain: Fix Your Craving Mindset and Rewire Your Habits to Thrive with Enough. Today on the show, Michael unpacks the three parts of the scarcity loop, and how they've been amplified in the modern day. We talk about the slot machine lab that corporations use to hack your brain, why your main problem may be that you're understimulated rather than overstimulated, why addiction may be better thought of as a symptom rather than a disease, how the quantification and gamification of life can negatively impact your experience of it, and how ultimately, the fix for resisting your bad habits is having something better to do than chase the cheap, unsatisfying hits of pleasure our culture so readily offers. Resources Related to the Podcast Michael's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #708 — Overcome the Comfort Crisis AoM Article: Via Negativa — Adding to Your Life By Subtracting Research of Thomas Zentall Research of C. Thi Nguyen Sally Satel Maia Szalavitz AoM Article: The Groundhog Day Diet — Why I Eat the Same Thing Every Day AoM Podcast #636: Why You Overeat and What to Do About It Sunday Firesides: Tidying Up Our Gilded Cages Connect With Michael Easter Michael’s website Michael on Instagram Michael on Twitter

How to be happier is a topic covered in countless books, blogs, and podcasts. Consume enough of this content and you repeatedly come across the same recommendations that have purportedly been proven to increase happiness: exercise, spend time in nature, meditate, socialize, and practice gratitude. But is there actual scientific evidence that these strategies work? Today on the show, we'll find out what professor of social psychology Elizabeth Dunn discovered when she did a study of happiness studies, and what the surprising findings have to do with the "replication crisis" that's occurred in science. In the second half of our conversation, Elizabeth shares the takeaways of a few well-vetted happiness studies she's done herself, including how to spend your money and use technology to increase happiness. And we discuss how to apply these findings, and the findings of all happiness studies, in a wise way that takes into account your unique personality and peculiarities. After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/happinessstudies Resources Related Study by Elizabeth Dunn and Dunigan Folk: "A systematic review of the strength of evidence for the most commonly recommended happiness strategies in mainstream media" Happy Money by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton AoM Article: How to Choose What Advice to Take Connect With Elizabeth Dunn Elizabeth's website Elizabeth on X

According to some estimates, only 5% of people in the West get the recommended amount of daily physical activity. Is the solution getting a fitness tracker, developing more discipline, or buying a piece of cardio equipment for your basement? My guest would say none of the above, and would have you think about kids playing at recess instead. Darryl Edwards is the founder of the Primal Play Method. Today on the show, we discuss the epidemic of sedentariness which besets both adults and children and why technology and willpower isn’t the cure for it. Darryl then explains why a better solution to getting more movement and physical activity in our lives is rediscovering the intrinsically motivating pleasure of play. He offers suggestions on how to do that, including compiling a play history for your life, embracing “primal movements” that will get you moving like an animal and a child, and getting over the fear of looking goofy while doing so. We discuss the joys and health benefits of exploring your capabilities and environment and how to incorporate more movement into your busy adult life by making even regular activities more playful. Resources Related to the Podcast Darryl’s books: Animal Moves: How to Move Like an Animal to Get You Leaner, Fitter, Stronger and Healthier for Life My First Animal Moves: A Children’s Book to Encourage Kids and Their Parents to Move More, Sit Less and Decrease Screen Time AoM Article: Get Fit Like a Wild Man — A Primer on MovNat AoM Article: The 10 Physical Skills Every Man Should Master AoM Article: The Importance of Having a Physical Identity AoM Article: 30 Days to a Better Man Day 24 — Play! AoM Podcast #508: Break Out of Your Cage and Stop Being a Human Zoo Animal AoM Podcast #245: The Workout the World Forgot AoM Podcast #749: Let the Children Play! Connect With Darryl Edwards Primal Play website Darryl on FB Darryl on IG